Tag Archives: clown

Snappy answers to Sappy Headlines (October 2014)

15 Oct

October 15, 2014

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride have been doing a little market research. It turns out that the Snappy answers posts are some of the most read blogs by women over 80 who are also members of my great-aunt’s sewing circle. In fact, all 5 members of the Newkirk Needles received a phone call from me asking if they had ever heard of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride and the one who took my call said yes! Then she asked me to please stop,.(I’m not sure what.)

If you ask me, that’s a mandate. So here is the fourth installment of Snappy Answers.


‘Wasco Clown’ Terrorizing California… Kind Of. Clown Posting On social Media Inspires Rash of Apparent Prank Calls.

Jerry Brown. Has to be. What bigger California clown is there than Governor Jerry Brown?

This seems to be an epidemic. Not long ago, the same thing was allegedly happening here on Staten Island. This is the kind of thing you wish really was going on. You wouldn’t want it to happen to you, no sir, you would not want to run into a creepy clown in the middle of the night, but as far as an internet story goes, this is top of the heap. A creepy clown hanging around a deserted train station at 2 in the morning? Boo yah! Internet gold! And the basis for umpteen episodes of Scooby Doo.



Parrot Missing 4 Years Returns Speaking Spanish. Bird Keeps Talking About Someone Called Larry.

*SQUAWK* “Larry? Donde esta Larry?”
*SQUAWK* “Tomaste tu medicina, Larry?”
*SQUAWK* “Llame al 911! Llame al 911! URK, GAWK! Por desgracia es demasiado tarde, me ha ido!”


78-Year Old Man’s Obituary Opens With A Penis Joke. Howard Cocks Dickinson IV Apparantely Loved Women, too.

I would guess that this man did not die with his boots on. Condom, sure, but not boots.

Howard Cocks Dickinson IV. You win Newser. I can’t beat that.



How To Be Funny With The Yuck Yucks

10 Jan

January 10, 2014

I am always in search of ways of improving Mr. Blog’s Tepid Timewaster. And in fact, my legion of fans and readers (those two guys in the Ukraine jail) write me notes all the time about how to improve this site. And while I have no idea how to read Ukrainian, from the pictures they send me I think I’ll pass on their ideas. And also wipe my hard drive. Those are not pictures I want found on my computer.

So that leaves me with the other thing people say about this site: Be more funny. So I goggled “how to be funny” and, using the extremely scientific research method of clicking on whatever the first link was, I came upon a site where the fu-fu-fun-nay! author claimed that in order to be funny, you should use funny words.

Helpfully, the fu-fu-fun-nay! author also had a list of what he claimed were the top 1oo funny words in the English language. Here is a sample:


Clearly, this is not a funny guy.  But hey, what won’t I do for my readers? I slogged through his lousy list, and though it made me cantankerous and gave me logorrhea, I picked out ten of his words and made a doozy of my own list, which you find @ here.


1- Cockalorum – A small, haughty man. This one is spot one, because any guy like that is clearly a dick.

2- Cockamamie – Absurd, outlandish. Like number one above, put “cock” into any word and the average man will laugh.

3- Codswallop – Nonsense, balderdash. Sounds dirty, isn’t.

4- Crapulence – Discomfort from eating or drinking too much. Work this into your everyday speech and see what happens.

5– Fartlek – An athletic training regime. And I say a fartlek is a small fart. “Joe looked around and let out a fartlek in the elevator. He blamed the dog.”

6- Firkin – A quarter barrel or small cask. Sounds like merkin, which is pretty darn funny.

7- Nincompoop – A foolish person. Any word with “poop” in it is a winner in my book.

8– Smellfungus – A perpetual pessimist. I like this because I picture a pessimist with an expression like he’d just smelled fungus. This word is just perfect.

9- Turdiform – Having the form of a lark. The word has “turd” in it. Having the form of a turd is more like it.

10- Eructation – A burp, belch.  And pandiculation – A full body stretch. This is a twofer, and like codswallop, taken together they sound dirty but aren’t.

Joe woke up in the morning, feeling tired but satisfied and, with a big eructation, had a pandiculation to start his day.


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