Tag Archives: obituary

Snappy answers to Sappy Headlines (October 2014)

15 Oct

October 15, 2014

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride have been doing a little market research. It turns out that the Snappy answers posts are some of the most read blogs by women over 80 who are also members of my great-aunt’s sewing circle. In fact, all 5 members of the Newkirk Needles received a phone call from me asking if they had ever heard of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride and the one who took my call said yes! Then she asked me to please stop,.(I’m not sure what.)

If you ask me, that’s a mandate. So here is the fourth installment of Snappy Answers.

newserclown

‘Wasco Clown’ Terrorizing California… Kind Of. Clown Posting On social Media Inspires Rash of Apparent Prank Calls.

Jerry Brown. Has to be. What bigger California clown is there than Governor Jerry Brown?

This seems to be an epidemic. Not long ago, the same thing was allegedly happening here on Staten Island. This is the kind of thing you wish really was going on. You wouldn’t want it to happen to you, no sir, you would not want to run into a creepy clown in the middle of the night, but as far as an internet story goes, this is top of the heap. A creepy clown hanging around a deserted train station at 2 in the morning? Boo yah! Internet gold! And the basis for umpteen episodes of Scooby Doo.

 

newserbird

Parrot Missing 4 Years Returns Speaking Spanish. Bird Keeps Talking About Someone Called Larry.

*SQUAWK* “Larry? Donde esta Larry?”
*SQUAWK* “Tomaste tu medicina, Larry?”
*SQUAWK* “Llame al 911! Llame al 911! URK, GAWK! Por desgracia es demasiado tarde, me ha ido!”

newserobit


78-Year Old Man’s Obituary Opens With A Penis Joke. Howard Cocks Dickinson IV Apparantely Loved Women, too.

I would guess that this man did not die with his boots on. Condom, sure, but not boots.

Howard Cocks Dickinson IV. You win Newser. I can’t beat that.

 

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Marcel Marceau, R.I.P. We Still Don’t Miss You

27 Sep

September 27, 2014

Marcel Marceau died seven years ago this week. He was 83 years old.

Marceau was the world’s most famous mime. While his face may not have been familiar, everyone knew his trademark striped shirt, bowler hat, and large flower. Frankly, he has not been missed.

He was a mime. And mimes are totally annoying. First of all, they don’t talk. Punch them in the nuts, they won’t groan. They are like the guards at Buckingham Palace, but less funny. Mimes walk around on nice summer days and pretend that they are struggling in the wind. Mimes laugh and cry at little flowers. Mimes get in your face and don’t get out until you give them money. Only pretentious PBS people like mimes. Supposedly they are practitioners of an art that goes back to ancient Greece. Big deal. The ancient Greeks had some funny ideas about young boys too.

Marcel Marceau’s funeral was a sight to see. A line of a dozen mimes strode side by side, pretending to be carrying an invisible coffin. The last in line pantomimed dropping it on his foot and limped the rest of the way. One in front pretended to pull the coffin with an imaginary rope. The eulogy was equally moving. Marcel was remembered by many of the mime community with these touching words:  “               .”

Before he was laid to rest, the assembled mimes first struggled to get out of an invisible phone booth, then laid their oversized flowers on the grave.

So Rest In Peace, funny man, let’s hope the art of mime ends here.

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