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Final Score: Mets 1, Fans 0

28 May

May 28, 2016

Today the Mets are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the 1986 World Series Championship team. There will be a great celebration at Citifield with the members of the 86 team reuniting, with highlights, events, and giveaways. However, thanks to the usual incompetence of their owner, Fred Wilpon, most of the team’s fans won’t see any of it. Frankly, Cheap Freddie doesn’t care.

So how did Wilpon mess it up?
1- He scheduled it on the Memorial Day weekend, a time when people have travel plans, or go to the beach, or barbecue. It will be close to 90 degrees here in New York and many people won’t be watching. But that doesn’t matter because…
2- The celebration will take place an hour before the actual game. Problem is, the game is being aired on FOX (which is even worse than ESPN when it comes to ruining games) and they will not be showing the celebration. They may show highlights during the game, but fans want to cheer the players, the classic moments, the plays, everything the celebration has to offer, not a clip dropped in between pitches. The irony is that Fred Wilpon also owns sports channel SNY, which airs the majority of the Met games. They are the Mets home station and had they the rights to air this game they would show every second of the pre-game celebration. But FOX has this game. And Freddie knew it.

So why did New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon schedule the celebration on a day when most people would have other plans and the television network would not show it? Why did he guarantee that most fans won’t see the celebration? He did it because the Mets are playing the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Mets and Dodgers are not heated rivals. They do not have a celebrated history together. The simple, sad truth is the Fred Wilpon is a Dodgers fan. That’s all. This is not a guess or a theory. Freddie has talked and talked about his love of the Dodgers. When the Mets new stadium was built, it was designed as a replica of Ebbets Field, home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. When you enter, the lobby is a tribute to- you guessed it- the Brooklyn Dodgers, with pictures and displays of the Dodgers, and the highlight was (and still is) a giant tribute to Jackie Robinson. Jackie never played for the Mets. So the Mets 86 World Series tribute is on the worst possible day simply because New York Mets Team Owner Freddie is a Dodgers fan.

mad-mr-met-at-citi-field-copy

But that’s not all. Awful Fred Wilpon also ruined the day for most of the fans who will be in the stands today. Here’s the next way Wilpon messed it up.
3- The Mets are giving away replica World Series rings to the first 15,000 fans in the stadium. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, no. Citifield will be sold out today and the stadium holds 45,000 fans. So 15,000 fans get rings and 30,000 fans get ugatz. In other words, Fred Wilpon has created an event where it is GUARANTEED that 2/3 of the fans will be given NOTHING but bad feelings. Unless you count an empty wallet, since parking costs $23 and even a hot dog is $6.25, highest in the major leagues.

The night before was jersey night. ALL fans got a replica jersey. So on the actual celebration day, why cheap out? The Mets don’t even pay for the giveaways. Oh no, not a penny is pried out of Freddie’s iron-clad wallet. These are sponsored. The sponsor pays for these. All the Mets need to do is add to the contract that there be enough giveaway rings for everyone. If the sponsor can’t afford it, get another. This is NEW YORK and this team went to the WORLD SERIES last year. There is no shortage of potential sponsors.

But this is a Fred Wilpon team. Last year they were sponsored by- this is true!- SendInTheClowns. com. Can you imagine a more appropriate company?

clowns mets

So get ready for the Mets Celebration!
Get ready to not see it!
Get ready to not get the free gift!

Wilpon sucks.

 

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The Happy, Skipping, Pylons of Fear

17 May

May 17, 2016

pylons-skipping-gif

I found that gif floating around Facebook. I’d like to take credit for it but I can’t. I can’t even take full credit for the story I’m about to tell, but here it is.

When my brother, the long-lost Allan Keyes and I were little tykes, we’d often be bundled into the family car to take a trip through the wilds of New Jersey to see our relatives, an aunt and uncle and cousins. It was a chore. We rarely wanted to go. And being rotten little kids we were never too well behaved on the ride. 

New Jersey is known for a few things: toll booths every three yards on the highway, The New York Jets, and those endless miles of electrical wires stretching pylon to pylon all the way down to the horizon. So any trip on the highway was accompanied by an almost non-stop view of those metal monoliths. During the day they looked kind of boring and industrial, but at night they could be eerie with all the lights on them, sometimes blinking on and off.

Anyway, my brother and I were young and stupid and probably very annoying to the adults in the car until one day my Aunt told us that the pylons were monsters that move when you’re not looking at them.

I know what you’re thinking- Doctor Who totally ripped off the weeping angels from my Aunt. She should Sue. (Ha! See what I did there? Two of you will get it.)

BvuRYSw

Anyway, we’d calm down and look anywhere but out the windows and then, suddenly whirl around and try to catch them moving. We never did, but we kept trying. Did I mention that we were young and stupid? I was 24 years old! NO, no, just kidding. 

As soon as I saw that gif online, this is the story that popped into my head. Crazy thing is… it’s true. The Pylons. New Jersey. All of it. It’s all true.

EP7-175875-1377-1378-01

Meanwhile, they say New Jersey is the Garden State, but did you notice that they never tell you what’s growing in the garden?

Triffids. New Jersey is full of triffids.

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PS: Happy Birthday to Saarah!

 

 

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