Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

January 22, 2014

We had another one of those polar-vortex/bombogenesis things today, just like they had in the good ol’ days when they called these things what they are: snowstorms.

As a public service, I took to Facebook to give updates and helpful tips to the masses.

7 am: The snow is coming today.

Tip #1- In Brooklyn, it is acceptable to decorate your snowman with empty cans of motor oil and cigarette butts.

9 am: It is snowing out.

Tip #2: If you stand outside and try to catch a snowflake on your tongue, you may also catch a dog peeing on your leg.

12 pm: The snow is getting harder.

Tip #3: Your local McDonald’s now has 14 homeless guys sitting around the play area.

1:30 pm: The snow is getting deeper.

Tip #4: Deep snow can cover a lot of dog poop, so step carefully

5 pm: The snow is going to continue all night.

Tip#5: It’ll be dark out. Turn on some lights.

8 pm: The snow continues.

Tip #6: So does Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We all have our personal Hells.

If I saved just one life it will have been worth it.

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Tags: advice, blizzard, bmj2k, bombogenesis, bread, bread and milk, cold, Facebook, meme, milk, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, Mr. BTR, New York, Northeast, polar vortex, snow, snowstorm, star trek, tips, weather, winter