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Imponderable #86: Phoenix Arizona

22 Mar

March 22, 2013

I am a sports fan. (Except for basketball. Other than the pick and roll I have no patience for a game that goes an hour, the teams score over a hundred points, and a game is typically won by les than ten points. Seems to me this could have been decided in ten minutes. Even hard-core fans tell you that the first half, if not first three quarters, are a waste of time.)

Baseball is my game, followed by hockey. Living in New York, I can tell you that there is no better sports experience than seeing the Rangers at Madison Square Garden. Even if the Hockey Ron-jays (any Steve Sommers fans out there?) getting blown out there is no better place to watch a game. Soon the Islanders are moving to my neck of the woods (Brooklyn) but I’m still going to be loyal to the Broadway Blues.

A lot better than being a Phoenix Coyotes fan.

phoenix

I wish more businesses operated that way. Mayor/Mommy/Asshat Bloomberg wants to ban big sodas? Why bother? Just make it more profitable for the big soda companies to not sell soda. Assault weapon ban? Why? Just pay the gun companies to not sell guns. Think of all the money they’d save when they could close all those factories.

I have been not selling guns for years. Time for me to make some money at it. Come to think of it, I have also not been putting a hockey team on the ice either. Why should Phoenix get all the cash? Pay me for not putting on a hockey game.

This is America. Most people get paid by the government for not working anyway. Why should the Coyotes be any different?

The question is Imponderable.

Phoenix%20Coyotes

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Imponderable #85: Milton Keynes England

15 Mar

March 15, 2013

Let’s jump right in, shall we? (“That’s what she said!”)

     iamgoingtomugonlyoldpeople                  

Perfect! I am only going to mug old and disabled people because it would be wrong to discriminate against them. I am going to mug only the homeless (though the point of that is beyond me) and when it comes to murder I will only attack female executives being kept down by the glass ceiling. Really, it is just fair.

(BTW- “Milton Keynes” is actually the name of a town. Don’t make the mistake I did of confusing it with the name of my dentist.)

Of course, and this should come as no surprise, the Mr. Grammar in me wonders why “madams” is in quotation marks. Is she not a madam? Does the word madam stand for something else? It isn’t like they danced around the word brothel.

But to get back to my crime spree, I think it only fair (and right!)  to steal the wallets of people in wheelchairs and to only hold ethnic minorities hostage. Plus, I promise to commit all of my crimes in the most environmentally friendly way possible. For example, I will only wear ski masks made of free-range wool when I rob banks. And my getaway car will be a Prius to cut down on my criminal carbon footprint. You see, I care. I really do.

And I will never rob a middle-aged white guy because that is a sure one-way ticket to jail.

So watch out, you mentally handicapped, physically disabled, senior citizen minority with a rare blood type, I am coming for you.

Is Becky Adams a legal savant?
The Question is Imponderable… until the British courts rule on this.

That's her.

That’s her.

The other question is, well, look at her face. You can figure it out.

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