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In Search of… Ghosts

3 May

May 3, 2015

in search of ghosts

In  the realm of the paranormal, ghosts are the average, garden-variety cryptoid. They are not mythic, like the Loch Ness Monster, nor are they the cause of mass hysteria, like UFOs. And Sasquatch is much, much sexier, with its come-hither eyes. Ghosts are an afterthought, In fact, in the  family of psychical research, ghosts are the sheet wearing little brother. But are they real? Do they exist? Can I as an unpaid blogger, make money off them? Let’s find out.

The first ghost

It has to be assumed that the first ghost was probably the first dead caveman. Unless you think that dinosaur ghosts existed, and wouldn’t they be extinct anyway? That’s a question for sillier minds than mine. Anyway, the first cavemen was probably a very confused soul, pun very much intended. Maybe not funny, but intended.

DYING CAVEMAN: Oook! Ook ook! Ack! (Dies)

And that’s it. Since there were no other caveman ghosts to tell him to go to the light, he probably ended up wandering the world for the rest of time. He’s probably in your house right now, trying to make fire in your toilet. (Watch out.)

dead barney rubble

Ghosts of the Classic Era

When was the Classic Era? This author dates if from 1941 to 1971, the dates of publication of Classic Comics. Ironically, Classic Comics only published one ghost story. (A Christmas Carol.)

The most interesting and well-documented ghost story to come out of this era was undoubtedly 13 Ghosts. This is the true story of a man named Zorba who inherited a house haunted by- wait for it- 13 ghosts, in 3D. For some reason, one of the ghost was a headless lion tamer and his lion, which inexplicably did not count as two ghosts. Did the circus ever stop by this house? The catch was that ghost hunters wishing to explore the haunted house could only see the ghosts with the aid of special glasses which were only sold in theaters. This made it difficult for legitimate researchers to search for ghosts since they rarely had time off during the day to stop by the theater. Well-known ghost hunter Martin Milner, knowing that a fortune was hidden in the house, tried to swindle Zorba by wearing a rubber mask. (This case certainly lacked the thrills of the Amityville Horror.) By sheer coincidence, Martin Milner went on to star in a movie called 13 Ghosts, a children’s film about haunted numbers.

13 ghosts phooey

Civil War Ghosts

These are the lost souls of the 173rd Ghost Regiment, the only group of fighting ghosts in the entire war.

So get to it. Are ghosts real?

Um sure, why not?

To learn more about ghosts, stop by your local cemetery and spent the night there. Kids, always get your parents permission before fooling around with the supernatural.

Workplace Logic Update: Close The Door!

28 Apr

April 28, 2015

Last week I told you about the drama, stupidity, and more stupidity surrounding a smashed open vending machine at The Company I Am Employed by at this moment. In a nutshell: Instead of fixing a broken candy machine, my company installed a surveillance camera and fired anyone who stole a Kit Kat bar. (Although it didn’t have to be a Kit Kat bar. You could fired for stealing M+M’s too.) This went on for a week. NOTE: They left the jagged glass shards in place as, I can only assume, a theft deterrent. And why not? It isn’t like jagged glass shards pose a safety hazard to the rest of the staff. 

Well, the machine has been fixed and restocked, and the prices were, amazingly, not raised. No need to. A small bag of Doritos already costs $1.10. Raising prices even higher is something only a cable company would do. 

However, my company has taken steps to prevent future vandalism.

1- They closed the door to the pantry where the machines are located.
2- They put up this sign: “Please keep this door closed to prevent entry by non-company personnel.”

stock-vector-keep-out-sign-warning-prohibition-sign-vector-146145179

This is not the sign. The real sign was block printed on a sheet of white paper.

So I guess they concluded that an employee or employees of another company in the building smashed and looted the machine. OK, that’s all well and good. There’s only one problem with the new closed-door policy.

The door is closed but not locked. Anyone can get in by simply… opening the door!

But by gosh! This company sure has addressed the issue! And golly, do I feel better!

Meanwhile, the door was left open most of the day, and still open when I went home.