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Local Single Guy Seeks Followers. Object: Pathos

13 Jun

June 13, 2014

I’ve been using my Twitter account lately to post some Onion-style headlines featuring the local single guy. Let me be clear on this- This is not me and is not based on me. I am happily involved with my fantasy dwarf RPG.

Here are the first few tweets.

lsg1

Sad, so sad. Poor guy has no idea how sad his life is. Poor guy also has no idea how I uncreatively used “sad” three times in the previous sentence. That’s pretty sad too.

lsg2

OK, well, I do admit that I’ve had cold pizza more than once in my life. But there’s nothing wrong with that! I like cold pizza!

lsg3

Local single guy also thinks Madea is pretty hot. I don’t have the heart to tell him that it is Tyler Perry in drag.

You can follow me and see more than just the same ol’ same ol’ @bmj2k, or just find the Twitter feed somewhere on the sidebar to the right.

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Imponderable#122: The Driveways of Harris County

18 May

May 18, 2014

This is a story of one man’s dedication. It is a testament to determination and the human spirit. It is also, as one woman is quoted in the article, a tale of a creep-crapper and revenge poop.

serial

Harris County has an interesting definition of “terrorizing.” If only Al-Qaeda had stuck to pooping on lawns, this world would be a very different place.

This should be a slam dunk for the police. This guy is leaving tons of DNA evidence at the scene of every crime.

Meanwhile, based on the description of an older, balding Mexican with a mustache, I think the police should haul the Frito Bandito in for questioning ASAP.

frito bandito

After all, if he’s eating all those Fritos, I’m not surprised he’s been pooping on driveways. Heck, he’s probably pooping all over town with all those salty corn chips in his system.

How could a human being do this? (Unless he’s drunk. Then I totally get it.)
The question is Imponderable.

 

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