November 11, 2013
I’m taking a creative writing class. It’s part of my self-improvement kick, and since I refuse to give up my rage, xenophobia or binge-eating, this was the least difficult option for me.
That said, since I’m a lazy man and this class is still in fact, too difficult for me, I’m going to try an experiment and crowd-source my short story. If you help me, I promise at some later date to actually show you the finished product. So imagine yourself as a sophisticated reader (which you naturally are, you’re visiting this blog after all!) and tell us what you think….
Preferred Name for the Hero:
-Slickjack Bohannon
-Razor Horowitz
-Arnold Stallone
-Malvin van Brocklingham, III, Esq.
Preferred Name for the Villain:
-Rodney TechNine Johnson
-Cordova Montelban
-Whitey Supremacist
-Yakuza Shinobi
Preferred Name for the Love Interest:
-Dances on Poles (an American Indian gal)
-Electra Mankiller
-Pouty Busterton
-Sister Carlotta Savio Vega de la Renta de la Paz
– Gertrude Winklevitz
-Roger Manlove
Where The Story Takes Place:
-Peoria
-The slums of Greenwich, Connecticut
-A broom closet in a janitor’s storage room on the 46th floor of a skyscraper on Memorial Day
-An electrolysis shop on the wrong side of the tracks
-The first kosher hot dog stand in Saigon
-An endless void
What the Story is About:
-A touching love story of redemption between an aspiring Plushie and a Donnie Most imitator
-The world’s smartest bird travels back in time to learn the identity of the true inventor of “The Aristocrats” routine
-One desperate network executive tries to save his job by making a News Radio reunion happen, while a rival tries to prevent it – with murderous results
-A suave pig rancher pursues his dream of joining the most prestigious mariachi band in his hometown – Los Dudes Guapos
-An young orphan boy in Guandong Province grows up to be the most famous scat singer since Mel Torme, but faces the rejection of the local noodle wench
-Nothing. What did you do this morning? Ate breakfast and read a book. That’s what happens.
Supporting Characters (Pick any 5):
-A jaded prostitute with a heart of gold
-A gruff but secretly paternal Police Captain
-A chainsmoking conspiracy theorist
-A drunken bumbling sidekick that always saves the day
-A deadly rival – who becomes the hero’s best friend
-An overprotective mother
-An under-protective father
-An older male friend – who turns out to be the hero’s long lost daddy
-A disabled war buddy from the Grenada invasion
-Twin circus clowns (counts as three picks)
-An old mentor who’s lost his way
-The Ghost of President Warren G. Harding
-A Friendly Italian whale
Surprise Plot Twist:
-Evil Twin!
-The butler didn’t do it……the maid did!
-The doctor was the patient’s mother
-The President turns out to be on the Mafia’s payroll
-Darth Vader already got to Bespin first (Hey, it worked for Lucas….)
-Zombie haberdashers
-Accidentally betrayed by those closest to him
-NWO SwerveTM
Proposed Titles:
-Full Moons and Pressed Hams
– Esta Historia es Increíblemente Estúpido
-Analstorm: The Bloodening
-The Whimsical Rampage of Dr. Horatio Neublizer
-Lil’ Penny the Cutest Brutalizer
-Star Wars Episode VII
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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