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More Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines

11 Aug

August 11, 2014

Hello again Devoted Readers. Last time I did a Snappy Answers column, I mentioned that I get complaints comments from my great aunt and her sewing circle, The Newkirk Needles. They can really be a feisty group of octogenarians. For example, this week they did a sew-in at their local Starbucks to protest the senior discount dropping from 20 to 15%. I now have a wonderful set of doilies with “Up with Starbucks” embroidery.

Anyway, they really got a chuckle out of the last witty retorts (as they put it) I made to the headlines from Newser.com. That site is quickly becoming my go-to source of bad journalism, quickly eclipsing The New York Post (their motto: Huh? We’re still around?).  Let’s go to round two.  I hope the sparky seamstresses enjoy this one as well.

newserfold

“Slink off?” Like in shame? What does this robot have to be ashamed of? Maybe someone walked into its bedroom while it was busy “folding itself” under the covers?

You can find a video of this right here. The robot’s walk can be described as “shuffling,” “scuttling,” or even a good old-fashioned, simple “walk.” It is not a slink. Someone at Newser (I’m looking at you, Jenn Gidman) should have her thesaurus pried out of her hands.

 

newserhipster

Ugh. You just know this guy is moving to Brooklyn. He’ll be sitting in Starbucks all day, using their free Wi-Fi to post his weird ISIS poetry, swinging his sword in a totally non-ironic way. I bet he has an overly-groomed beard and a monocle too.

 

newserweed
I’d rather have the weeds than the hipsters, that’s what I say. Unless “phragmites” is some new slang for hipster. I’m not sure I agree with chopping hipsters away, but I’ll volunteer to do something to get rid of them. I say we start with banning skinny jeans and plaid shirts.

 

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One Response to “More Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Snappier Answers to Stupider Headlines (September 2014) | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - September 4, 2014

    […] posted a couple other Snappy Answers to Newser headlines before (HERE and HERE, have fun, click away) and the response has been overwhelming. My great-aunt’s sewing circle, […]

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