Archive | November, 2013

Like A Walrus Needs A Clam? (Classic Odd Repost)

2 Nov

November 2, 2013

Do I need a reason for reposting this one? Nah, it just makes me laugh.

from June 28, 2012

You need me
Like a walrus
needs a clam
Like a fat kid
needs a ham
You need me

ANNOUNCER: Yes, I’m sure that everyone within the sound of my voice on the WBTR airwaves remembers those words. Hi, I’m Bruce E. Freedkin and the writer of that beautiful verse from the #1 hit single of 1958, “Eat Me, Porcupine,“ is here with me in the studio. He turns 97 today! Welcome to the show, Max Duffy! Hi Max, how are you today?

MAX: Eat me, porcupine.

ANNOUNCER: That was such a great song, how did you ever come up with it?

MAX: Well, back then we used to work in the Brill Building, all of us song writers. It was wonderful. All of us like-minded people, song writers, just writing music, playing music, sitting around piano, banging out tunes, high on pot, naked as jay birds-

ANNOUNCER: I’m sorry, did you just say-

MAX: There was always plenty of blow around back then too. And the broads! I remember one time Carol King did this thing with her-

ANNOUNCER: Excuse, me, are you saying that back then, when you were writing hit songs for the likes of Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra you were all just, just, –

MAX: Stoned out of our minds. But it wasn’t just the drugs or the booze, it was the power. We were kings! I remember one day not long after Summer Wind was a hit for Frankie we brought in a sack of kittens and some baseball bats and we-

ANNOUNCER: What? I’m sorry but we have to go to-

MAX: -just for the hell of it. Who was going to stop us? We were hot hit song writers, dammit! We did what we wanted! We got The Supremes mixed up with a coven of witches. Except that damn Diana Ross, she was a [BLEEP], quit the group over it. And the orgies!

ANNOUNCER: OK! WOW! That’s it! Thanks Max Duffy! (faintly off mic) Cut his mic! Cut his mic!

MAX: I [BLEEP]ed Marilyn Monroe on a pile of fifties!  

ANNOUNCER: SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF NOW!

Cut to commercial

The Brill Building. Home of money, madness, and murder.

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An Echo of The Bunnymen (Halloween Costume Repost)

1 Nov

November 1, 2013

Halloween was yesterday? No, when Halloween comes out on Thursday, then most people celebrate it on Friday. And besides, Halloween isn’t over until I say it is!

from October 17, 2011

Well Halloween is here, and in my book there are two- and only two- classic Halloween costumes.

The first is the classic Superman suit, and shame on DC for changing it.

A close second is the gorilla suit. (Necktie optional.)

Watch any old B-movie and what do you see? A guy in a bad gorilla suit. And that rocks! Gorilla suits are cool. And the worse the better! Want proof? Here are some 1970’s Kung Fu Karate gorillas versus a Bruce Lee wannabe named (heh heh) Bruce Li:

 

This is why I can’t go to Japan. I will be totally unprepared when thin Kung Fu Karate gorillas jump out of a tree and attack me.

I’d love to make that film a Late Night Movie House of Crap but that’s about all of the watchable footage.

See why gorilla suits are cool?

Superman is one, a gorilla is two, so what would number three on the list be? A clown? A guy in drag? A black bunny suit?

Gotta be the black bunny suit. Check it out.

Where to start? I have to start with his picture. That guy totally looks like a guy who’d wear a bunny suit and lurk behind a tree. He’s got that John Astin thing going on.

Who would think that a man in a black bunny suit and a tutu hiding behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun would scare kids? What kind of world are we living in where an obviously normal and well-adjusted man can’t do that without the police being involved? Jeez, this is America, and if a man wants to wear a black bunny suit and a tutu and hide behind a tree while playing pretend sniper at the local kids, who are we to complain? It isn’t like this guy was really hurting- oh Hell, I can’t keep this up.

I’m calling it. This man needs serious help. It is time for him to go on a little “vacation.”

“Falkingham told authorities that he enjoys wearing the suit, but understands the neighbors’ concerns and complaints.”

I for one am glad that the loon is being reasonable about the whole thing.

But as far as I am concerned, and this being my blog I am concerned, this is the only acceptable way of wearing a black bunny suit.

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