The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Snowman Family Kit

23 Feb

February 23, 2013

treasure snowman

This is the last of three inductions of toys into The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys. Originally Imponderable #29, this toy came back to mind with all the horrible snowstorms across the country. We’ve had more than enough snow, and I’ve had more than enough of the infantilization of our children.

from December 30, 2011

I have previously taken a stand against “toys” that are nothing more than a sad parody of what toys should be. For example, in my blog “Birth of The Office Drone” I described in excruciating detail how some people think so little of children that they need to give them a toy that is an exact replica of an adult’s briefcase and contents (like name badge and cell phone- what fun) instead of letting the children make their own pretend items out of household goods and their own imagination.

I found this in the LL Bean catalogue. I HATE this toy. LL Bean is guilty of neutering childhood. This toy is killing my youth.

What child can’t make a snowman? What child needs a pre-made snowman kit? Building a snowman is one of the last wholesome winter activities left that is all imagination and adult-free. Or at least it was.

Fake buttons, wooden antlers, and a phony carrot nose. What about finding real buttons around the house? Antlers made out of branches? A real carrot? And worse, this kit says to the child “this is how you make a snowman.” Oh yeah? Well I want my snowman to have a Mets cap and a wooden pipe. You’ll find neither of those in this kit, and I bet that no kit would dare to be so politically incorrect as to include a pipe.

Is it really that hard to find things to stick on a snowman?

What galls me even more is that warning. “Should only be handled or used with adult supervision.” WHY? Is there jagged glass included in the set? LL Bean is taking away the magic and joy from childhood. But I can’t only blame them. I have to blame the idiotic consumers who bought every last one. Yes, this item is sold out.

7 reviews all glowing, a 5-star rating.

I weep for the youth of the world.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found.
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around.

Nowhere does it mention pre-made snowman parts from the LL Bean catalogue.

What is going to happen to the children of the world when every last shred of imagination is forced out of them? Who wants to raise a generation of kids who can’t build their own snowman?

The question is Imponderable.

And I am afraid.


2 Responses to “The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Snowman Family Kit”

  1. zathra February 23, 2013 at 2:49 am #

    Take heart ! They’ll be releasing the Doctor Who Snowmen kit ( I don’t know if you saw the DW Christmas special, but it involved murderous snowmen formed from a sentient form of snow ). It comes with monstrously expensive laboratory equipment & a way to harness childhood traumas. Time – traveling hero optional.


  2. T E Stazyk February 23, 2013 at 5:17 am #

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    Especially because they will also have been raised with I Pottys.


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