Archive | 11:03 pm

The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Six

25 Mar

March 25, 2012

The Donald fired Tia Carrere last week. Ok, she really fired herself. She took no one into the boardroom and fell on her sword. Dumb move. Now she has to explain to her charity that she gave up without a fight.

THE TASK:  Create a launch party for a new Crystal Light product
WOMEN’S PROJECT MANAGER: Aubrey O’Day (who sucked up to the executives immediately, literally in the same breath in which she said she’d be project manager.)

Sassy. Vibrant. Fun. Is that how you think of Crystal Light? Nah, me either, but that is how they are going to market their new fake-cocktail line. A party in a bottle, they said.

Clay’s theme was “life’s a beach.” Penn is still felling petulant since he was taken to task by Clay last week. Frankly, ten out of ten for honesty, but zero for acting like a baby. He admitted he was bowing out this week.

Paul Senior go to use his building skills. Clay got to use his singing voice. Dee designed the graphics, and Lou… was there too. Lou and Paul got tasked with opening up tiny umbrellas for fancy drinks.

Lisa is having an issue with Patricia over Patricia’s command of the English language, or lack thereof. Lisa used to be an editor with Rolling Stone. Had no idea. Anyway, the women are doing The Garden of Crystal Delights, “Stir your healthy desire,” whatever that is. According to Don Jr, they are missing the fun.

Lisa and Aubrey, separately, have issues with Patricia, and Patricia thinks they are both killing the team by dominating the others. No matter who think is right, Patricia designed the graphics and left off the Crystal Light logo. Could you blame Aubrey for approving them? No, they were never sent for her approval.

Good line from Allen Keyes: Dayana Mendoza came off like a cut-rate Sofia Vergara.

Debbie is going to record an original Crystal Light song, which you can tell annoys Aubrey but at least this time Aubrey is using Debbie to her advantage. Aubrey never misses a chance to put someone lese down and make herself look good, which never ends up making her look good. I’d lover her to get fired this week but honestly, the show would lose a good villain.

Then the party started.

The women’s event looked elegant, not fun. (Aubrey: “I did an amazing job.”)

The men’s event was fun but didn’t look so hot, and when it opened, no one was there. Arsenio went out to beg for people to come in. They had no one there. Some party. Then suddenly they were full and everyone was dressed, somewhat, in beachwear. It was a beach party complete with limbo contests. They called their friends and told them to come in beach attire, and there were some women in bikinis there, so you know Trump will pick them as the winner.

The women gave out free copies of Debbie’s Crystal Light song, and I will bet you anything that not one is ever listened to again. On the other hand, Clay sang “Under the Boardwalk” a cappella and sounded great. Meanwhile in the boardroom, Debbie forgot the lyrics, which Ivanka lost no time in pointing out.

Ever wanted to see Paul Senior in a Hawaiian short and lei? Make sure you see this episode.

10:12. The boardroom.

I am not happy that women feel so good because it reflects well on Aubrey. I sincerely hope she loses.

Teresa, if you lose who should get fired? Dayana.
Dayana, who would you fire? Aubrey.
Lisa, who would  you fire? Dayana (for not being as creative as the others.)

On the men’s side, Trump said the executives loved Clay. He also pointed out that Arsenio was wearing a Donald Trump tie. He never loses a chance to promote. But getting back to Clay, the rest of the team loved him too. I’ve said it before, he is impressive. Even Penn was positive (despite saying he has no way to judge how good a party is. Seriously???)

Clay, if you lose, who will you bring back to the boardroom? Oops, commercial break!

10:26: Clay, who would you bring back to the boardroom? “Everyone did an incredible job…. but…. ” Trump jumped in who will you bring back?” Clay: Dee and Lou or Paul. Is it a good move to bring in Lou after he impressed Trump last week?

Who would Aubrey bring back? Dayana and Patricia, no surprise.


The men turn on the TV and what is the first thing they see? Aubrey crying in the boardroom. FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! (“I’m her fighting for something I really believe in.” Yeah, her career.)

AND NOW I HAVE TO CALL SHENANIGANS. Because she cried, Trump gave her charity $10,000. What about Tia’s charity? What about George’s charity? I am not begrudging Aubrey’s charity the money, not at all, but what about the other charities which got nothing?

Aubrey: “I am not getting fired. I am in invaluable member of this team.”
Trump: “As project manger don’t you think you should be fired because you lost?”
Aubrey: “No.”

Debbie (whom Allan Keyes called Not -Tiffany, and for her following brainless comments I think I should too) said Aubrey was an integral part of all the tasks, she is the creative force behind the team. Dayana countered with “but we only won two of the last six tasks!” Yes!

GOING TO THE BOARDROOM: Aubrey, Patricia, and Dayana.

Aubrey continued to cry in the boardroom, all fake, and did claimed she loved Dayana but she had to be fired. She is nothing but smarmy and smug and annoying. Team Trump focused on the branding issue, which was all Dayana.

According to Aubrey, every task the women won was due to her concept. And Dayana and Patricia let it go unchallenged! What about the four they lost? Did she stay home those weeks? If Aubrey gets by this week it will be totally due to the other’s inability to fight.

They loved the party, they didn’t love the details, so

Patricia, you’re fired! DAMN.

Next Week: The show starts at 8! The teams get shuffled! Two tasks! Arsenio loses it!

Sneak Peek of the Week of March 25th, 2012

25 Mar

March 25, 2012

It may not be Festivus Season yet, but on Friday we’ll look at an Imponderable way of settling grudges.

Also this week we will continue my Cafe Metro saga with Part Two of What’s in a name? Plenty. I may have some explaining to do as after part one appeared I was personally contacted by their Director of Marketing and Social Media (who by the way is a pretty nice guy. He better be after part two.)

Sticking with food, we’ll examine a product with one of the worst names anyone could possibly come up with. If you saw it at your supermarket you’d have to think twice before purchasing.

Team Trump and the Apprentice, the Teutuls and American Chopper, and all of the usuals are along for the ride too.

All this, Saturday Comics, and more, this week on Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

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