October 24, 2011
TLC has a lousy show about a psychic housewife from Long Island. I have not seen it but how could it not be lousy?
Long Island Medium stars a woman who, to put it kindly, is just what you think of when you think “Long Island housewife.” The premise is that she has a normal Long Island housewife life, goes Long Island housewife grocery shopping, works out at the Long Island housewife gym, whatever, and BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! -the yenta somehow gets an insight into the life of some random stranger whom she has to accost on the street and annoy.
As I said, I have not seen this show, but I have seen the commercials.
The most amazing one goes like this. She is in a gym (and she can use a few more squat thrusts if you know what I mean) and some other woman tells her to use her mystic mojo on some guy across the room. He’s a fireman and she asks him if something bad ever happened to him. The guy is a fireman. A New York City fireman. See where this is going?
The fireman breaks down and in tears says that “I was supposed to be at work on 9/11…”
Get it? She went up to a New York City fireman around the 10th anniversary of the WTC tragedy and asked him if anything bad ever happened to him? I’m no psychic but I could have predicted that answer.
And – BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! I am getting a vision! I think that something bad has happened to you too! Tell me, oh reader, has anything bad ever happened to you? Yes? I knew it!
Yeah, get the point? Go up to anyone and ask a cold, open-ended question and see if damn, you aren’t psychic too. It helps if they already think you are a psychic and are ready to believe whatever you say.
PSYCHIC: “I am getting a strong feeling, a woman who died, she was close to you…”
RUBE: “Yes, yes, oh yes….” breaks into sobs.
PSYCHIC: “I sense it is your mother.”
RUBE’S MOTHER: “I’m sitting right here.”
PSYCHIC: “A grandmother, perhaps?”
RUBE: “OH MY GOD! My grandmother! How did you know?”
ME: “Hey tool, ask any adult about a dead relative and the odds are really good it is a parent or grandparent.”
It doesn’t take Criswell to predict that this show sucks.