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From Our “Be Glad That The Fudgesicle Was The Only Thing In His Mouth” Department:

6 Oct

October 4, 2011

Well it was bound to happen sometime. Nicolas Cage woke up one night and found a naked man in his room eating a fudgesicle.

Other sources refer to the man as “fat” so I am going with that in the pursuit of humor.

Put yourself in Nicolas Cage’s shoes. Now now, I know that no one wants to do that but remember, he is rich. On the other hand he seems to think that Ghost Rider had a good script and he named his son Kal-El. Anyway, you wake up and standing by the foot of your bed is a naked fat man wearing only your own leather jacket and sucking suggestively on a fudgesicle.

I know that nowhere in the article did it say “suggestively” but really, what else could it be?

Anyway, what would you do? Me, I’d probably shit my pants. But not Cage. He somehow talked the guy out of his house. I hope he talked the guy back into his pants too, ‘cause that would be my first priority.

And nowhere online could I find where the fudgesicle came from. Was it from Cage’s freezer? Did the man somehow manage to break into the house while eating the fudgesicle?

This nearly-Imponderable article brings up so many unanswered questions, like “WTF?” and “huh?”

And now, feast your eyes on this:

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