Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

December 30, 2010

For the final American Chopper (not quite so) Weekly Rundown of 2010 I am recapping the last two episodes in one blog. Why? Because I fell behind somewhere along the line.

As usual, let’s get the least important part of the show out of the way, the bikes. On the OCC side, they completed the Chicago Blackhawks bike. It was nice. I am way past being impressed by their bikes anymore. But it had a nice paintjob and since I think they do those things in-house now, nice job on the paint. What’s next for OCC? A bike for the Hair Club for Men.

Seriously? The Hair Club for Men?

Paul Sr. had an evaluation and they determined that they could move some hair from his neck-mustache to the top of his head. Remember, he’s not just a loudmouth jerk, he’s also a client.

Paulie finished a bike for a company that makes, I think, corrugated roll-up gates and pre-fab garages. Again, the paint job made the bike, but I have to admit that Vinnie did a nice job on the gas tank. The woman running the company was so, let’s just say unprofessional, that you wonder how she managed not to run her company into the ground.

But as always, the bikes have been irrelevant to the show the last few years.

The Battle for Rick (“Free Rick! Free Rick!”) heated up as Paulie sent one of Rick’s friends, who was working for PJD, to see the OCC bikes. While there, he asked Sr. if it would be OK for Rick to visit PJD. On camera, Sr. said “yes.” Off camera, Sr. said “no.” Rick never did go to PJD, proving that Sr. is an overbearing tool trying to control everyone around him. It felt like the old Soviet era, where we’d live up to our end of a missile treaty and the Soviets would pull out for, as Sr. put it, “legal reasons.”

Rick is one of, probably the only, genuinely nice guys at  OCC. Other than Rick, I guess I feel sorry for Gus.

Gus is Paul Sr.’s dog, who had a front leg amputated and was just fitted with a pair of wheels to help aid his disability.

Ironically, Sr. is even turning his dog into a motorcycle.

On the other hand, he did go to therapy. Somehow it took a trip to a petting zoo where he fed some carrots to another hairy beast, but at least he went.

That was one of the conditions set by Mikey before they could reconcile. Sr., fool that he is, really does seem to want to have a relationship with Mikey so he went and seemed to be honest and forthright. Was this enough for Mikey? Would you be shocked if it wasn’t?

“Doctor/patient confidentiality” stems from the Hippocratic Oath, which all medical practitioners take.

The Oath of Hippocrates, traditionally sworn to by newly licensed physicians, includes the promise that “Whatever, in connection with my professional service, or not in connection with it, I see or hear, in the life of men, which ought not to be spoken of abroad, I will not divulge, as reckoning that all such should be kept secret.”

In other words, if you tell it to a doctor, he keeps his mouth shut.

So of course the therapist repeated everything Sr. said directly to Mikey, word for word, including his analysis and opinion. It also didn’t help that the session was taped and televised.

Mikey should have been happy. Sr. satisfied one of his requirements. But no, he wasn’t Why? Because Sr. only went as a favor to Mikey. Mikey wanted him to go because Sr. really wanted to go. So Mikey, like Linus in the pumpkin patch before him, wasn’t happy with the sincerity around him and he bailed on the agreement.

It also didn’t help that Paulie got in Mikey’s ear and manipulated him against their father before their father could manipulate him against Paulie.

But it wasn’t all therapy and three-legged dogs for Sr. After spending some quality time destroying a door, he sent look-alike buffoon over to Paulie’s shop.

Some guy showed up at OCC looking just like Sr., at least at first glance. Sure he’s a bit shorter, and his voice a bit higher, but he had the same neck-mustache, glasses, short grey hair, and fading muscle-man stature. Sr. had a laugh and sent him over to Paulie’s to pretend he was Sr. Hilarity was sure to ensue.

It did not.

After a confused second or two, the guys realized it wasn’t their father. The boys signed an autograph and Vinnie was just disgusted by the whole thing. But as the therapist pointed out to Mikey, that was really just Sr.’s stupid way of showing love.

Senior also showed love by, as usual, bad-mouthing his son. He took the whole OCC crew on a ride into the mountains where, I hoped, he’d shoot Jason and bury his body. Sadly, everyone returned. While there he had a sort of “state of OCC address” where he bad-mouthed his son and explained, again, that he had the right to buy out Paulie but Paulie reneged, disagreeing on the evaluated fair-market value of OCC.

He didn’t mention that due to some underhanded manipulation the value of OCC was zero. Not “about zero,” not “almost zero,” but absolute zero. Paulie’s 20% is valueless. Logically, Sr.’s 80% is also valueless, which makes you wonder why he’s working so hard.

Many of you have been wondering about Cody. I have no idea what’s up with him, but we did an Odie sighting. After royally screwing up the Blingstar ATV, this week he did grunt work and kept his mouth shut.

So that’s it, other than Mikey’s foray into living as an adult died and he gave up his studio and moved back into Paulie’s shop.

Let’s hope that in 2011 the American Chopper crew can manage to stay just as stupid as they did in 2010.

Tags: American Chopper, bmj2k, Chicago Blackhawks, Free Rick, Gus the dog, Hair Club for Men, Mikey, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, OCC, Orange County choppers, Paul Jr, Paul Junior Designs, Paul Sr, Paulie, PJD, Rick Petko, Senior vs. Junior, Sr. vs. Jr., Teutul, therapy, Vinnie