Archive | September, 2010

What does Tropicana have against me?

5 Sep

September 5, 2010

I’m not sure what the Tropicana corporation thinks of me.

Take a look at this picture of container of orange juice.

 

Maybe it isn’t the best picture of a container of orange juice you’ve ever seen. You can’t even see the label, but if you look closely, you can see this:

The jug has a clear line running done the back. The object is so that you can see how much juice is left in the container. Very nice.

So am I am idiot or a genius? I can tell how much juice is left just by picking it up. I really don’t need a handy indicator. Does Tropicana think that little of me?

You may simply think I am nit-picking, and maybe you are right. This isn’t exclusive to orange juice. Motor oil containers have the same thing on the back. Maybe the oil can is sticky and you don’t want to pick it up to see if it is full. And the 128 ounce orange juice is Tropicana’s heaviest container, so maybe some older folk can’t or prefer not to pick it up if they don’t have to. I get it.

What really bugs me is this:

Do I really need this spelled out for me? Was I staring at the jug and wondering what the orange level through the clear line meant? Couldn’t I have figured this out for myself?

When the day comes that I am totally befuddled by a container of orange juice, that’s the day you can take my fingers off the keyboard and make sure I am surrounded by nothing but soft objects.

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Death Rides an American Chopper. (Senior vs. Junior Week 4)

3 Sep

September 3, 2010

Was it the Black Widow bike?

They say that life imitates art. This week, American Chopper Sr. vs. Jr. copied a comic book. Specifically, it was the cover of The Adventures of Superman 481.

In a real world tragedy, a workman who was fixing the roof of Paulie’s new shop fell through a hole to his death on the concrete floor below. His name was not released, but The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride wish to send their deepest condolences. No one’s death should be fodder for either a reality show or a silly blog.

But as Vince McMahon said, the show must go on.

The usual comic book antics took an even sillier twist this week when it was revealed that Mikey’s assistant, hired to organize, well, everything about Mikey, was discovered to be legally blind, leaving Mikey no choice but to drive around his assistant on the assistant’s errands. (Did I mention that his license was suspended three months ago? No I did not. I could not make this up if I tried.)

What Mikey did not realize is that his new employee, Matt Murdoch, is secretly the blind superhero Daredevil, the man without fear.

Tragically, even Daredevil was unable to prevent the terrible events about to unfold, as the war between the Teutuls was about to take its first fatality.

While fixing Paulie’s roof, a workman succumbed to the fumes from all of Mikey’s open paint cans and fell through a hole in the roof.

Death, on his customized OCC chopper, rode in and not even the Man Without Fear could  prevent his death.

Paulie, grief stricken, called in his very creepy pastor to counsel the crew. The pastor showed up, waved around a paperback that may or may not have been a book about Roswell but was definitely not a Bible, muttered some new age aphorisms, and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Oh, and three days later Paul Sr. called to see what’s up.

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