Archive | August, 2010

My Review of The New Cast of Dancing With The “Stars” September 2010. Ugh.

31 Aug

August 31, 2010

The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been revealed and once again, ABC stretches the definition of “star” to the breaking point. If you thought last season “star” Kate Gosselin was bad, this season’s “stars” will make her look like, well, still like Kate Gosselin.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (Jersey Shore)
Does this guy have a head? I don’t know. In every shot he is pointing to his abs, which I must admit have a higher IQ than Snooki. Can we drop him into Afghanistan and stand him the same pose, showing the Taliban where to shoot?

Bristol Palin (Daughter Of Sarah Palin)
She is a star because she is an unwed pregnant teenage mom engaged to a total jerk. Were she not Sarah Palin’s daughter she’s be on the next Maury.

David Hasselhoff (Baywatch)
Hofftastic! The Hoff will Hoffer Dancing with the Hoffs his Hoffmazing skills on the Hoffloor. His Hofferific Hoffs Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff.

OK, that's Chris Farley. But you seen Haselhoff lately?

Brandy (Singer)
Someone keep the brandy away from Hasselhoff! Oh, she’s a singer? Never mind.

Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing)
From imdb:
“The New Adventures of Old Christine” …. Tracey (1 episode, 2009)
 – Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Crazy (2009) TV episode …. Tracey
“Phineas and Ferb” …. Dr. Gevaarlijk / … (3 episodes, 2008-2009)
– Phineas and Ferb’s Quantum Boogaloo (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Librarian
– Hide and Seek/That Sinking Feeling (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Louisa Patel
– The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein/Oil on Candace (2008) TV episode (voice) …. Dr. Gevaarlijk
Keith (2008/I) …. Caroline
Redbelt (2008) …. Lucy Weiss

Yeah, she has time to do this show.

Michael Bolton (Singer)
As long as he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t sing we can all get through this.

Kurt Warner (Former NFL Player)
Rick Fox (Former NBA Player)
Athletes usually do well on this show. Kurt is a two time MVP and a Super Bowl MVP. Rick played on three NBA championship teams.

Make your own jokes, I’ve got nothing.

Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch)

Margaret Cho (Comedian)
Margaret once had a television show called “All-American Girl.” I found this tidbit online, showing just how stupid network TV is:

“The show suffered criticism from within the U.S. East Asian community over its perception of stereotyping. Producers told Cho at different times during production both that she was “too Asian” and that she was “not Asian enough.” At one point during the course of the show, producers hired a coach to teach Cho how to “be more Asian.”

Kyle Massey (Rapper)
Kyle is 19 and works for the Disney channel. So in other words, expect to see him any number of shows, movies, and concerts churned out from the Disney boot camp. Remember- there was a time we hadn’t heard of Hannah Montana either.

Audrina Patridge (The Hills)
I don’t know what “The Hills” may be, but perhaps this picture will give some clue:

The Hills!

The 2010 cast gives you pause to reflect. Who could possibly make the 2011 cast? My money is on Ronald McDonald, your paperboy, and Mr. Blog.

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They’re Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

29 Aug

August 29, 2010

From the Total Irony Department, some North Carolina ghost hunters were killed when the ghost train they were searching for turned out not to be a ghost but a real iron and steel locomotive. In a shocking turn of events, one ghost hunter was himself killed and turned into a ghost.

The Ghost Train, a play by Arnold Ridley, 1925. When will people learn to stop messing with ghost trains?

The incident happened at the intersection of Stupidity Street and Gullible Avenue, where the train tracks run along a trestle high above a river. Twelve amateur sleuths were caught standing in the middle of the tracks listening for the sounds of a ghost train dating back to an accident in 1891, where a group of people standing in the middle of the trestle listening for a train were killed. Somehow, they managed to miss the sounds of the absolutely-not-a-ghost train bearing down on them.

One man was killed, two people were seriously injured, and the other nine deserve some serious slaps to the back of their heads and a chorus of “what the fuck were you thinking?”

 Local officials claim that the wannabe Scooby Gang never saw Stand By Me.

In other news….

Wyclef Releases Protest Song

Wyclef  is using music to voice his feelings over the recent ruling that he is ineligible to run for president of Haiti.  The former Fugees rapper has released a song in Creole called “Prizon Pou K.E.P.A.,” which means “Prison for the Electoral Council” in English. Clef announced the release of his song on Twitter Wednesday night by saying, quote, “We want equal rights and justice!”  The song can be heard at Jean’s blog, WyclefJean.wordpress.com.  Last Friday it was announced that Wyclef didn’t meet Haiti’s residency requirements and was ineligible to run in the November 28th election.  Earlier this week it was reported that he will not be able to appeal the decision.

Glad he’s writing songs we can all relate to, because I can’t be President of Haiti either. Who needs protest songs about civil rights? This one will catch all of our hearts. And in Creole! The man is a genius. Sheesh.

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