Advertisements
Tag Archives: OJ

The Saturday Comics: O.J. Simpson

22 Oct

October 22, 2011

I think we all know what OJ Simpson is famous for.

His shoes.

That’s right, long before he killed his wife and her boyfriend – OOPS! I mean some other guy killed them- OJ had a pretty lucrative gig endorsing footwear. Sure, we know him now for gloves (“If the gloves don’t fit you must ignore all the clear evidence of his obvious guilt and acquit.” That was the famous quote, right?) but there was a time when The Juice’s feet landed him on the back pages of every comic in America.

For the record, I don’t think I ever saw those shoes in any store.

I think OJ might have partial to golf shoes. After all, he spent a lot of time on the golf course- OOPS! I mean looking for the real killer- in between trials. But he was always fond of footwear and I remember this next ad from countless comics.

I really wish “OJ Dingo” had caught on. That would have been sweet.

But look at the second panel. What are those kids doing in the locker room, and what exactly is OJ doing? What kind of pose is that? Is he flexing for those kids? And how did he get dressed in the span of one panel? Did he just throw that shirt on over his pads? He must stink! Or did OJ stop to shower before dressing? So were those kids just waiting around while OJ showered? Did Jeph Loeb write this crappy comic?

When I was a kid, around the time that ad came out. I owned and wore a pair of cowboy boots, I am ashamed to say, but I have no idea if they were Dingos. And putting on my Mr. Grammar hat for a quick second, can someone explain to me the reason for the apostrophe in “Dingo’s”?

But that wasn’t the Dingo Kids’ only brush with fame.

All these ads put me in mind of one more. It doesn’t feature OJ but it has some athletes who didn’t murder their wives- OOPS! I mean athletes who also had great careers and it seemed to be on the back of every comic book from when I was five years old until I was about 18. To me this is the archetypical comic book ad. While The Insult that Made a Man Out of Mac is a true classic, and who can forget Sea Monkeys and cardboard submarines, this is what I think of when I think of comic books.

Advertisements

What does Tropicana have against me?

5 Sep

September 5, 2010

I’m not sure what the Tropicana corporation thinks of me.

Take a look at this picture of container of orange juice.

 

Maybe it isn’t the best picture of a container of orange juice you’ve ever seen. You can’t even see the label, but if you look closely, you can see this:

The jug has a clear line running done the back. The object is so that you can see how much juice is left in the container. Very nice.

So am I am idiot or a genius? I can tell how much juice is left just by picking it up. I really don’t need a handy indicator. Does Tropicana think that little of me?

You may simply think I am nit-picking, and maybe you are right. This isn’t exclusive to orange juice. Motor oil containers have the same thing on the back. Maybe the oil can is sticky and you don’t want to pick it up to see if it is full. And the 128 ounce orange juice is Tropicana’s heaviest container, so maybe some older folk can’t or prefer not to pick it up if they don’t have to. I get it.

What really bugs me is this:

Do I really need this spelled out for me? Was I staring at the jug and wondering what the orange level through the clear line meant? Couldn’t I have figured this out for myself?

When the day comes that I am totally befuddled by a container of orange juice, that’s the day you can take my fingers off the keyboard and make sure I am surrounded by nothing but soft objects.

%d bloggers like this: