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American Chopper Senior vs. Junior Week 5: Bad Parenting 101

20 Sep

September 20, 2010

Parenting- noun
1- the rearing of children
2- the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children

From the web:

Are you constantly searching the latest on parenting to make sure you are doing everything exactly right? It’s time to relax. Temple University psychologist, Laurence Steinberg, says that perfect parents just don’t exist.

“Most parents are pretty good parents,” says Steinberg, “But I’ve never met a parent who is perfect 100 percent of the time. We all can improve our batting average.”


1- What you do matters
2- You can’t be too loving
3- Be involved in you  child’s life
4- Adapt your parenting to fit your child
5- Establish and set rules
6- Foster your child’s independence
7- Be consistent
8- Avoid harsh discipline
9- Explain your rules and decisions
10- Treat your child with respect

To provide some insights on the difficult world of parenting, Mr. Blog has invited someone who embodies parenthood and displays his methodology each week on cable television. I’m sure we can all learn a lot from him.

And now, Presenting Prof. Paul Teutul Sr.:

Is this thing on? Who here is from out of town? Wait- I think this is a carburator or something.

Hey there. Parenting can be a tough thing, and uh, I’m just glad that I got this chance to talk about it.

I was asked to write something this week on this here internet because some of the parenting things on the show this week, American Chopper, OCC, seem to be kinda misunderstood, or misinterpreted, ya know?

First of all, the idear that I don’t love my sons is just nonsense. Everything I do is to get a better relationship with them. Look at number six on the list. Independence. It hurts me when I see my son Mikey, big as a house, looks like he smells like a dead muskrat. I feel sorry for him, he’s pathetic, but sometimes you need tough love, ya know what I’m saying? At the rate he’s going he’ll barely last the year. I love him and I’ll be proud to be his pallbearer in my sleeveless suit. Ya know with my guns, I don’t need anybody else. I’ll carry the coffin myself. That’s love.

Paulie? Youse have to understand, he sleeps until like noon everyday so I have to do a lot to get his attention. Its all up to me. Its like number two says, you can’t be too loving. Like when I built that there ramp behind my shop, ya know? Let me tell you the story behind that.

I was busy in the shop, yelling at somebody to finally get off their ass and do something around here, when that idiot Jason called me in to the office to hear something on the radio. It was Mikey and Vinnie. They was talking crap about how all the good OCC bikes was made by them, how Paulie did all the design work, and I was gettin’ all pissed off. Sure he designed all the cool bikes from the early years, like the Fire Department bike, and the black Widow bike, and the Jets bike, but who the fuck is he to tell people that? Who the fuck did some of the welding, ya know, and the handlebars? Me. When I wasn’t off gettin’ a massage or walking my big slobbering dog that was all me. I did everything. I built this shop with my bare hands. I bent the steel with my teeth. Youse think he could build a bike himself? Not if he had to get up before noon. Jason may be a stupid looking Mongoloid freak but at least he gets here on time.

So anyways I decided, ya know, just to have a little fun, to build a ramp and fire a bike off of it, with a dummy dressed like Paulie on it, over a ravine we got there down behind the shop. Just to get his attention, ya know, just to tweak him. It’s all in good fun. I figured that would let him know I love him. What says love more than blowing up a dummy of your son? Its not like we have any bikes to build or anything.

So we fired the thing up and shot it out of a slingshot let me tell you it just, uh, sorta fell off the ramp and bounced a few feet. I really hoped that Paulie would see it or hear about and and maybe this would be the start of some sort of reconciliation or somethin’ but Paulie never did say anything about it so maybe next time I need to try something else. I think I’ll burn a cross on his lawn to show him how much I care.

Some people pointed out that it was like I was, ya know, symbolically killing my son or something, but what I got to say about that is, sometimes a symbol stands for something, ya know?

As far as the other stuff this week, yeah, I can see how people might think that I badmouthed Paulie to some schoolchildren, but it was all in good fun. I call that “opening the lines of communication.” Eventually what I said will get back to him, and he can say what he wants to the school kids too, if he ever does build a bike. Its like that telephone game youse played in grade school. Telephone equals communications, right? I heard that no one wants to hire him and he has no money coming in down there. Figures. Who ever heard of Paul Jr. Designs? I got the name, OCC, uh Orange County Choppers. All he’s got is some building where a guy died.

Thank you Professor Teutul. Next week our guest parenting lecturer will be:

"Luke, who is that tatooed douche bag?"

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