My Review of Dancing With The *ahem* “Stars”

10 Mar

March 10, 2010

Well, it is time for a new season of Dancing With The Stars and you know what that means!You don’t? Neither do I. But it must mean something to someone as that show has been on a long time. (Why couldn’t Alf be on that long? I’ve always been worried that he never made it back home to Melmac.)

Anyway, the show is nothing if not packed with stars, I type with a straight face, so here we go, with a rundown of this season’s glamorous glitterati:

Buzz Aldrin.
Yes, the astronaut. He walked on the moon, but at age 80 the odds are good he won’t be able to walk around the ballroom without breaking a hip. That said, the man is still remarkably agile, as these before and after pictures show:

 

Shannon Doherty.
Remember her from Beverly Hills 90210? I sort-of do. I never watched that show but I understand it was on FOX back before 24 started. Personally, I liked her a lot better on Charmed. What has she done since? (Besides some nice shots for Playboy?) Here are some selctions from her imdb entry:

Satan’s School for Girls (2000)
Hell on Heels: The Battle of Mary Kay (2002)
The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon (2008)
Encounter With Danger (2009)

Let’s hope she wins. She can use a decent job.

Pamela Anderson, “the world’s sexiest woman.”
Here’s how she looks today, without ten pounds of makeup and three airbrush artists:

Chad Ochocinco.
This show loves NFL stars, and they usually do well. It is always a surprise. After all, most people think of the average football player as having about as much grace as your boiler, and about the same IQ. Make up your own mind about Mr. Eighty-five. Originally named Chad Johnson, Ochocinco wanted everyone to use his number instead of his name. Know how people say “we’re number one?” He said “I’m eighty-five.” He went so far as to change his name to 85 in Spanish just to get it on his jersey. I understand Antonio Cromartie is considering changing his name to Antonio Ochocinco to honor all of his children.

Kate Gosselin.
This woman has eight kids. Eight kids! Where is she going to find the time to take care of her kids and also do all the dancing and practicing for this show?

Does that look like a woman who has time to dance? Kate Gosselin starred in a “reality” show called John and Kate Plus Eight. Kate spent her time on the show telling us what a great mom she is. Now she gets to prove it by spending lots and lots of time away from her family as she tapes this show. Eventually, John (or is it Jon? I don’t care enough to check.) got fed up with having to deal with, I suspect, Kate, and took off for Bimini with a prostitute, which brings us to our next contestant…

Nicole Scherzinger.
Nicole is a member of something called “The Pussycat Dolls.” As far as I can figure, The Pussycat Dolls are a group of high-class escorts-turned mediocre pop stars.

Which one is Nicole? I don’t care but whichever one she is, I’m rooting for her.

Aiden Turner.
Jake Pavelka.
Two good looking TV guys. One is The Bachelor. The other is a soap star. I hate them both.

Erin Andrews.
Erin is a broadcaster for ESPN. She is most famous for the video someone shot of her through a hotel peephole. It showed her walking around her room naked. It became an internet hit, and Erin sued the guy who shot it, decrying the objectification of women, arguing that women are more than just sex objects, and how basing someone’s value on looks is ridiculous.

She will now star in a show where she will wear skimpy outfits that show off her legs and breasts. Nice going Erin.

She’s a hypocrite. Not that I’m complaining…

Niecy Nash.
Absolutely hysterical on Reno 911. A loud shrill harpy on The Insider.

Evan Lysacek.
This guy did something-or-other in the Olympics. Unless he was a hockey player I wouldn’t know him. Maybe he was a skeet shooter. Could be he was a figure skater or one of those luge guys. I dunno. Was a curler? Is that it? A curler?

I can’t wait for this show to start so I can have some extra time away from my TV set to get some reading done.

5 Responses to “My Review of Dancing With The *ahem* “Stars””

  1. texastrailerparktrash March 11, 2010 at 10:24 pm #

    Don’t get me started on Kate Gosselin. Recently she spent 7 hours and approx. $7,000 on “hair extensions” so she could have long, luxurious locks. Now, the other day, she spent another 7 hours having them cut to a “stylish bob.” When I was raising two kids (way fewer than her brood of eight) I didn’t have 7 minutes, much less 7 hours, to spend on making myself “look purty.” But, then again, I’m not a “star.” Blechhh…..

    Like

    • bmj2k March 11, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

      Like the word “hero,” “star” has become overwhelmingly devalued in our society. Remember when calling someone a “diva” was an insult? Now every singer wants to be one.

      Like

  2. texastrailerparktrash March 11, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    P.S.—Love the new title photo for your blog. Snazzy!

    Like

    • bmj2k March 11, 2010 at 10:55 pm #

      It was easy and free! If you’re interested, I can email you the website.

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dancing With The Stars 2011 « Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - March 21, 2011

    […] For previous casts: September 2010, March 2010 […]

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