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OFFICIAL: Ed Hardy Wear No Longer Cool

22 Mar

March 22, 2010

The once-cool Ed Hardy line of t-shirts and other clothes has officially come to an uncool ending.

Once personally-made and a status symbol, the mass-produced shirts, pants, and sweats, featuring designs with skulls, flowers, and sequins, survived being worn by hipsters, wannabees, poseurs, fat chicks, and middle-aged guys living in their parent’s basements.

Today, however, it came to an end.

I was in line at the bank today and ahead of me was a short man, about 65 years old. He was bald but with sideburns that have not been trimmed since the Eisenhower era. His wild eyebrows seemed to come together over his eyes and simultaneously run off his head. And as for the rest of his inappropriate hair, the less said about his ears and nose the better.

He had the stub of a cigar in his mouth, wore slacks so old they were patched in the seat, and he smelled of some sort of mustiness, like he had been sitting in a closet for a few months.

When he got to the counter, he picked through and handled every single one of the free lollipops and choose seven of them, which he stuck in his back pocket.

He was wearing an Ed Hardy sweatshirt, brown, with sequined roses and skulls.

Today, Ed Hardy is officially not cool anymore.

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