Tag Archives: youth

Imponderable #29: The LL Bean Catalogue.

30 Dec

December 30, 2011

I have previously taken a stand against “toys” that are nothing more than a sad parody of what toys should be. For example, in my blog “Birth of The Office Drone” I described in excruciating detail how some people think so little of children that they need to give them a toy that is an exact replica of an adult’s briefcase and contents (like name badge and cell phone- what fun) instead of letting the children make their own pretend items out of household goods and their own imagination.

I found this in the LL Bean catalogue. I HATE this toy. LL Bean is guilty of neutering childhood. This toy is killing my youth.

What child can’t make a snowman? What child needs a pre-made snowman kit? Building a snowman is one of the last wholesome winter activities left that is all imagination and adult-free. Or at least it was.

Fake buttons, wooden antlers, and a phony carrot nose. What about finding real buttons around the house? Antlers made out of branches? A real carrot? And worse, this kit says to the child “this is how you make a snowman.” Oh yeah? Well I want my snowman to have a Mets cap and a wooden pipe. You’ll find neither of those in this kit, and I bet that no kit would dare to be so politically incorrect as to include a pipe.

Is it really that hard to find things to stick on a snowman?

What galls me even more is that warning. “Should only be handled or used with adult supervision.” WHY? Is there jagged glass included in the set? LL Bean is taking away the magic and joy from childhood. But I can’t only blame them. I have to blame the idiotic consumers who bought every last one. Yes, this item is sold out.

7 reviews all glowing, a 5-star rating.

I weep for the youth of the world.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found.
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around.

Nowhere does it mention pre-made snowman parts from the LL Bean catalogue.

What is going to happen to the children of the world when every last shred of imagination is forced out of them? Who wants to raise a generation of kids who can’t build their own snowman?

The question is Imponderable.

And I am afraid.

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Hulk Hogan, My Celebrity Pickle Shill

18 May

May 18, 2010

Many, many years back, in the 80’s, long before Photoshop (and before I had a computer either) my family sold pickles at a flea market.  Yep, just like you’re picturing, sour and half-sour pickles in big barrels, along with pickled tomatoes and something we called “pickle pops,” giant pickles on sticks.

Honestly, it was boring work for a young kid like me, and there wasn’t much money in it, which just made it that much worse. Business wasn’t so good, and we had time on our hands, so we would spend a lot of time trying to come up with funny signs to try to get some attention to our booth.

As I said, this was long before Photoshop came along and we did everything the old-fashioned way with markers, scissors, and tape.

I was a big wrestling fan and we had a copy of the WWE (then WWF) magazine lying around the booth. I cut out a full-page picture of Hulk Hogan and taped in his hand a picture of a jar of pickles I cut out of an ad. I stapled it to a piece of cardboard and leaned it against a jar on the shelf behind us. To make it look “official,” I even added the WWF and Ba-Tampte Pickle logos. Of course, no copyright infringement was intended, and with one look it was obvious the thing was a taped-up joke.

As you can probably guess, the picture was a hit. People could not walk by without stopping to ask us how we got it. The Hulkster and the WWF were at their height of popularity. Everyone had to see the picture. Despite the obvious phoniness of it, I still chuckled and said “he loves our pickles.” We even flirted with selling a “Hulk Hogan Pickle” but we had a feeling that Vince McMahon’s lawyers might not see the humor.

Eventually we folded up the pickle biz, but I held on to the picture. I can’t say I have a lot of fond pickle memories, but this picture brings them all back.

way before Photoshop

The Hulkster loved our pickles.

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