Tag Archives: Writing

Part 4: New Year’s Eve in Brooklyn 2014/2015

11 Jan

January 11, 2014

Saarah and I got out of the car. Our reason? Somebody had to get the party started. Oh no, not me. I’m never that person. But I figured someone had to be and maybe we’d find him. We went over to the only brightly lit area, which was between the parachute jump and the carousel and wonder of wonders, there were people there!

About 15 of them, all very, very visibly cold. There were some little kids wrapped in blankets, looking around with big glassy eyes, wondering why they were being punished. Most of the people were gathered around the entrance to the carousel building, which although barricaded and locked, was lit up so maybe, just maybe, they’d be let in and could thaw out.

A few people were standing around an area between the jump and carousel which was barricaded off and inside was a lone man setting up some DJ equipment. The ad had promised “the best local music artists” but none were to be seen. Laid out on the ground a few feet away were some tent poles. Why all the prep was left to the last minute was beyond me, but then again, it isn’t like there were overwhelming crowds to deal with.

It was still a few minutes before nine and, satisfied that we were in the right place (and that this was not some population control measure to do away with idiots who show up and freeze to death) we ran back to the car to wait for the “party,” and at this point I really have to put that in quotation marks, to start.

As we rushed back to the parking lot, we almost knocked over a man in his 50’s who had stopped to photograph a little sneaker laying on the pavement that some little child had lost.

Or maybe he just put it there himself. Lots of odd people in Coney Island.

 

To Be Continued

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Choose Your Own Allan Keyes Adventure

11 Nov

November 11, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m taking a creative writing class. It’s part of my self-improvement kick, and since I refuse to give up my rage, xenophobia or binge-eating, this was the least difficult option for me.

That said, since I’m a lazy man and this class is still in fact, too difficult for me, I’m going to try an experiment and crowd-source my short story. If you help me, I promise at some later date to actually show you the finished product.  So imagine yourself as a sophisticated reader (which you naturally are, you’re visiting this blog after all!) and tell us what you think….

Preferred Name for the Hero:

-Slickjack Bohannon

-Razor Horowitz

-Arnold Stallone

-Malvin van Brocklingham, III, Esq.

 

Preferred Name for the Villain:

-Rodney TechNine Johnson

-Cordova Montelban

-Whitey Supremacist

-Yakuza Shinobi

 

Preferred Name for the Love Interest:

-Dances on Poles (an American Indian gal)

-Electra Mankiller

-Pouty Busterton

-Sister Carlotta Savio Vega de la Renta de la Paz

– Gertrude Winklevitz

-Roger Manlove

snoopy-good-writing-is-hard-work 

Where The Story Takes Place:

-Peoria

-The slums of Greenwich, Connecticut

-A broom closet in a janitor’s storage room on the 46th floor of a skyscraper on Memorial Day

-An electrolysis shop on the wrong side of the tracks

-The first kosher hot dog stand in Saigon

-An endless void

 

What the Story is About:

-A touching love story of redemption between an aspiring Plushie and a Donnie Most imitator

-The world’s smartest bird travels back in time to learn the identity of the true inventor of “The Aristocrats” routine

-One desperate network executive tries to save his job by making a News Radio reunion happen, while a rival tries to prevent it – with murderous results

-A suave pig rancher pursues his dream of joining the most prestigious mariachi band in his hometown – Los Dudes Guapos

-An young orphan boy in Guandong Province grows up to be the most famous scat singer since Mel Torme, but faces the rejection of the local noodle wench

-Nothing. What did you do this morning? Ate breakfast and read a book. That’s what happens.

 

Supporting Characters (Pick any 5):

-A jaded prostitute with a heart of gold

-A gruff but secretly paternal Police Captain

-A chainsmoking conspiracy theorist

-A drunken bumbling sidekick that always saves the day

-A deadly rival – who becomes the hero’s best friend

-An overprotective mother

-An under-protective father

-An older male friend – who turns out to be the hero’s long lost daddy

-A disabled war buddy from the Grenada invasion

-Twin circus clowns (counts as three picks)

-An old mentor who’s lost his way

-The Ghost of President Warren G. Harding

-A Friendly Italian whale

 Writingishard

Surprise Plot Twist:

-Evil Twin!

-The butler didn’t do it……the maid did!

-The doctor was the patient’s mother

-The President turns out to be on the Mafia’s payroll

-Darth Vader already got to Bespin first (Hey, it worked for Lucas….)

-Zombie haberdashers

-Accidentally betrayed by those closest to him

-NWO SwerveTM

 

Proposed Titles:

-Full Moons and Pressed Hams

– Esta Historia es Increíblemente Estúpido

-Analstorm: The Bloodening

-The Whimsical Rampage of Dr. Horatio Neublizer

-Lil’ Penny the Cutest Brutalizer

-Star Wars Episode VII