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Tag Archives: White zombie

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts

5 Dec

December 5, 2013

The Walking Dead is a great show, no doubt. But seriously, why are zombies so scary? They are slow so you outwalk them. They are easily beaten with a blow to the head. They are not stealthy, they are not sneaky, they are not silent. You can see them coming a mile away and you can just walk in the other direction. Even The Walking Dead focuses more on human threats than zombies.

Zombies have two things going for them. 1- There are a zillion of them and their ranks keep growing. 2- If you die you become one of them.

But that really only goes for the modern Romero zombies, the ones that George Romero created in Night of the Living Dead. I prefer the old White Zombie-type zombies (the old film with Bela Lugosi) or the kind in Hammer’s old Plague of the Zombies. Before Romero, zombies were generally animated corpses under the spell of a voodoo master. Even today in Haiti that’s a prevalent belief. There may be no creepier scene in filmdom than the sugar mill scene in White Zombie.

1:02 to 1:07 is my favorite part of the film.

If I had to be menaced by a supernatural horror, zombies are my pick. Werewolves are scarier- they are animals who can outrun and outhunt you, and tear you into bits with their claws and teeth. Imagine trying to fight a pack of rabid wolves. Can’t be done.

Vampires are badass too. (Not your shitty Twilight vampires, thank you very much.) They are smart and cunning, with animal instincts and deceptive human appearance. Depending on your preferred mythology, they can turn into bats or rats, or fog. They can control “base creatures” and hypnotize humans. True, like werewolves, they can’t come out during the day (sorry folks, they can’t) but the damage they can do at night is enough. The only thing in your advantage is that vampires are solitary. They have no real desire to create more vampires. Why? That’s just more competition. Vampires are smart.

Ghosts? Big deal. They can’t touch you. Poltergeists (literally translated as “rock throwing ghosts”) on the other hand, now that’s scary.

But zombies? I was a high school teacher. I saw enough of them zoned out in my classes.

zombie rebuttal

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Chiller Theatre October 2013 Highlights.

30 Oct

October 30, 2013

I was, once again, at the Chiller Theatre convention in lovely New Jersey. And it is true, some things never change. Like the last two times I went, it was a blast. tons of stars, former stars, never were stars, and loads of chicks showing off their maimed zombified boobs. (It appeals to a particular kind of fetishist, which I am not.)

So what else never changes? Hmm. Was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, former pro-wrestler with a face that looks like the underside of a leather couch, drunk again? Hard to tell. The previous two times he was quite visibly hammered. This year he was eating a salad. But the expression on his face? Exactly the same. This man looks drunk just eating a salad.

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

So where do you stand on Omarosa? Personally, I’d like to stand on her neck. Can’t stand her. But is she a celebrity? I passed her twice in the crowded halls as she was going from room to room. Now, this year was the most crowded I ever saw the Con, and both times I passed her it was in some of the narrower hallways. Despite actually rubbing, literally, shoulders with her (or due to the height difference, shoulder to upper arm) she left no impression on me. In fact, I saw Howard Finkel (WWE’s The Fink) in the men’s room shaking hands (yes, he washed them) and signing autographs yet no one seemed to recognize or care about Omarosa. And despite all her protestations on The Celebrity Apprentice about how classy she is, she dressed down in a see-through mesh top and a skimpy tank top. Not an attractive look for her but let’s be fair, there is no attractive look for her.

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I also got a look at some genuine props from Jaws. I have a pic of me in front of the barrels they shot into the shark. Take a look at the beach closed sign. Check out the bottom left corner to see who officially reopened the beach.

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I saw Zacherle for the third con in a row, still looking good at his age of near-one hundred, and got Chuck McCann’s autograph at the next table. For all the amazing work he’s done over the years, I am most impressed that he was also the voice of The Thing in the 90’s on the Fantastic Four cartoon and he signed (and the other three stars did as well) a character sheet of the FF. and as a bonus, he bellowed “It’s clobberin’ time!”

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Gilbert Gottfreid was there, first convention ever for him. He was charging $25 for a picture and had no takers. Kent McCord, a personal favorite, signed an autograph and talked with me about Adam-12. The picture was free.

Scott Wilson (Hershel) from The Walking Dead was totally swamped, as were Ralph Macchio and  Corey Feldman, believe it or not.

Larry Storch was there, Corporal Agarn from F Troop and yes, he was wearing the hat.

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There were plenty of costumes, mostly zombies, and not a single Batman.

I also scored the very last (literally, THE LAST) of the limited edition glasses Chiller sells. This year had Bela Lugosi from White Zombie on it. (Last convention- Lon Chaney from London After Midnight. Before that- Vampira.)

Sara Karloff was there, looking more like her father every year. Hacksaw Jim Duggan was there, and I pity the people working at the table next to him, since every two minutes or so his trademark “HOOOOO-OOOOO!” came bellowing out his mouth. Also there was Ace Frehley from KISS, and he was swamped.

I scored some movie posters and some great photos and autographs, plus an Perry Mason pocket book from the 1950’s. I had a blast and I leave you with a serious word of advice. BUY YOUR TICKETS ONLINE IN ADVANCE. People were waiting outside to buy tickets for SIX HOURS. True. That is not an exaggeration. My brother and I were harassed to sell our wristbands to a couple of guys after we left, and while we could have soaked the guys, they offered $10 bucks apiece but we passed.

Next year we hold out for $50.

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