Tag Archives: sports

Let’s Go Crazy. Let’s Get Nuts.

9 Jun

June 9, 2011

Say what you want about talk radio, the real lunatic fringe is on sports radio.


In NYC we have one of the biggest, if not the biggest, sports-talk radio stations in North America, WFAN. I almost never listen to it. First of all, the station is dominated by the pompous and sports-challenged Mike Francesa. A bigger sack of crap you’d be hard pressed to find outside of Congress. And secondly, WFAN is the home of the Mets, and as a Mets fan I can’t stand the Mets. You really need to be a Mets fan to understand, but lunatic alleged alien-contactee Riley Martin (google him, you’ll thank me later) once said “he is my good friend, though I cannot stand him” and that kind of comes close.

Sports is the great equalizer. A bricklayer can speak with equal authority to a billionaire on the subject, and because of that you get an amazing cross-section of humanity calling sports talk shows. And with that, I would like to introduce you to Jerome from Manhattan.

Steve Somers, BTW, is a legend in NY sports circles. I love the guy.

Jerome is an excitable sort. If the Yankees win ten in a row and then lose one, he’ll call up yelling and screaming for someone to be fired or traded. He is a total nut. To say he makes snap-judgments is an understatement. If Joe DiMaggio were playing today and his 56 game hitting streak ended tomorrow, Jerome would be on the phone right after game 57 demanding that the Yankees trade him.

From wikipedia, and if you wonder why I hate them bear in mind that I actually cleaned up some of the grammar in this poorly written post:

A die-hard Yankees and Knicks fan, Jerome is famous for his on-air take-no-prisoners blistering rants and raves, as well as his unique take on the English language. One of his favorite exclamatory phrases is “frickin’ frack!” He refers to the bullpen as the “ballpen”, and once shouted that the Yankees are “done! D-O-E-N DONE!” His relationship status is intriguing enough for Steve   Somers to once give Jerome $60 to take a lady out on a date, only for Jerome to keep the money and not go out on the date. Former host Sid Rosenberg once asked Jerome if he was upset that he was not taking his eagerly anticipated trip to Colorado, and Jerome replied, “No, to Denver.” He does not like jets. They make him “seasick.” Jerome, when he still called WFAN regularly, was known for being the only caller to have an audio intro, much like those played at the top of each show. Occasionally when he calls in to Steve Somers’ program, a special introduction is played to the tune of The Twilight Zone. Mr. Mittelman’s health problems had kept him from the WFAN airwaves on a regular basis from late 2004 until mid-2008; he has recently started to call in more frequently.

He calls the station five or six times a day and usually calls other stations in between. Jerome has been banned from WFAN for racist language. After his ban I heard him on the air say of a black Yankee player “I hate that nig- … I hate that guy.” He also has very little knowledge of sports outside of his very limited knowledge of current Yankee players. Frankly, he has very limited knowledge of most things.

In the clip below, the picture will remain black because there is no video, only audio.

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The Cockfighters

16 Feb

February 16, 2011

“No one in this world, so far as I know … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.” HL Mencken said that and to this day no one understands what it means. Why? Because the average person is stupid.

OK, I know that sounds nasty. You probably expected me to continue that last sentence with “but,” as in “OK, I know that sounds nasty but in reality…” Sorry. Not going to happen. It’s that kind of blog.

I may be cynical but I believe that I come by that cynicism honestly. The average man does stupid things. Just look at any seasonal news stories. Thanksgiving: Man dies from burns received when attempting to flash-fry a turkey in an oil drum. Fourth of July: Man attempts to start a barbeque by tossing gasoline on his grill and dies of third degree burns. And the worst burn of all: Valentine’s Day: Man gets married.

And then there are sporting events. I am not knocking the sport of boxing, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? Neither am I knocking hockey, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? And soccer? What sane man would compete in a sport where the sound of vuvuzela’s drive you out of your friggin’ head? My God, it was bad enough listening to that crap on TV, but to have to be in the stadium while thousands of people blow those cheap plastic Happy Meal horns so loud that you can’t hear yourself tell them to shove those horns up there asses? And yeah, what sane man would voluntarily compete in an event where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? That soccer ball has to hurt.

Perhaps this may be a good time to warn you that this blog may contain a bit of salty language and slight sexual innuendo. How can I avoid it when the main topic is cockfighting?

I will now pause while you snigger and get it all out of your system. Go ahead, laugh. After all, we’re talking about cockfights. BTW- you may want to be careful when you type that into your search engine.

Also, while it may be factually and linguistically correct to refer to the fighting birds as “cocks,” I am going to stick with the much safer word “roosters.” If you need an explanation then the internet is not for you.

According to wikipedia, proved accurate a mere 23% of the time, “The combatants, aptly referred to as gamecocks, are specially bred birds, conditioned for increased stamina and strength. The comb and wattle are cut off in order to meet show standards of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club.”

Well yeah, but no. See, that assumes that you are following international cockfighting rules, which you can’t in America or Europe. It is illegal to stage cockfights in those parts of the world. But of course it goes on, in cellars and basements, in Michael Vick’s house, in the back of bars, really, anywhere out of the view of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club. And trust me, those people running the fights do not play by the rules.

For example, what wiki fails to mention is that some people are stupid enough to attach weapons to the bird’s feet. Whoever thought it was a good idea to strap a knife to a rooster’s foot?

Apparently Jose Luis Ochoa did.

It is hard to have faith in your fellow man when you read stuff like that. The Wide World of Sports really needs to make him their agony of defeat guy.

Speaking of sports, we need some balls. Harry Baals.

The Harry Baals building. I hear the Harry Baals building has a really short elevator shaft, if you know what I mean. (Yeah, well, that’s why I’m not writing porn.)

The Deputy Mayor is right. Once you name that building after Hairy, uh, Harry Baals you are going to get no end of attention, just not the kind you’d like. Look no further than Beavis and Butthead for proof. (Remember how this blog started, people are stupid? I’m still on point.) I can’t link to it because there is no good copy on youtube, but remember how they tortured Harry Sachz? For Wayne doesn’t need that. If this were Detroit I’d say go for it, but what has Fort Wayne done to you?

PT Barnum once said “We are all, no doubt, born for a wise purpose.” After reading these stories, I prefer this quote often attributed to Alexander Hamilton: “The masses are asses.”

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