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Tag Archives: Beavis and Butthead

Allan Keyes: A Carnival of Awfulness

1 Apr

April 1, 2013

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Ever read a story about something that’s really a tempest in a teapot, but everyone involved acted so effing stupid that you just have to shake your head? Well this is one of those stories. My friends, get yourselves a cuppa, and settle down to read this mound of stupidity (well, it’s a mound of SOMETHING, but this is a family blog after all…)

DONGLE-GATE, or……oh god, I’m so very tired of this already.

http://techcrunch.com/2013/03/21/a-dongle-joke-that-spiraled-way-out-of-control/

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I suggest you read the whole thing, but since you’re here, I’ll give you the cliff notes version.

At something called “PyCon” (a convention for Python programmers. Py-Con, get it? How cute!) some dorks in the audience were talking amongst themselves, and making some computer terminology jokes that were quasi-sexual double entendres in a Big Bang Theory meets Beavis and Butthead moment. And this is the phrase that started the trouble: ““big” dongles and “forking someone’s repo.”  Whatever the hell that means. I assume it means something to computer programmers. Or the functional retarded.dongle 2

Anyway, sitting in front of them was some shrill thin-skinned harpy who decided this was THE WORST THING EVER IN THE WORLD EVER. Which is surprising, because usually these thin skinned harridans are women whom men wouldn’t fork with someone else’s dongle, but this one is actually kinda doable:

  dongle 3

And because in today’s world, the way to act is instead of just effing turning around and asking them to knock it off, she whirled around, snapped their pic and twittered about how hostile and awful this whole thing was. Part of her reasoning was “Women in technology need consistant [sic] messaging from birth through retirement they are welcome, competent and valued in the industry,”  — now I LOVE me some womenfolk, even when they’re doing things I don’t agree with them doing like leaving the kitchen, or wearing pants, or voting or thinking independently. But the doublestandard is kind of sad at this point. Women in the workplace demand to be seen as strong, independent and equal to any man…..unless said man makes a boobie joke, in which case they’re reduced to hysterical delicate flowers needing protection. Pick one please and stick with it. What ever happened to telling someone “hey, fuck you?” This is why a show like Mad Men is so popular nowadays. Contrast dealing with people like her at the workplace to a show where Don Draper and his colleagues basically molest the secretaries in their offices and send them out the door with a pat on the ass and a “see ya later toots”  And one last sidenote – if you’re equal to a man, you don’t need to be nurtured. I’m a supervisor (yeah,  I’m as shocked at it as you are) and I don’t have time to nurture you. Grow up please. </misogynyrant>

Anyway….for this horrific thoughtcrime, PyCon staff read her tweet and escorted the joking dweebs from the audience. You computer programmers are hardcore.  Make one lame joke and the Python gestapo hauls you away presumably to the Linux gulag (I don’t actually know what the eff Linux is, I just needed something to make a gulag joke work)

And here’s where it starts to get awful – I know, there’s depths yet to be plumbed here!

Since Harpy McThinskin tweeted about this and made it an internet thing, the vox populi started to weigh in. Predictably, the dongler (a father of three)  got fired from his company

My second comment is this, Adria has an audience and is a successful person of the media. Just check out her web page linked in her twitter account, her hard work and social activism speaks for itself. With that great power and reach comes responsibility. As a result of the picture she took I was let go from my job today. Which sucks because I have 3 kids and I really liked that job.”

A big FUCK YOU to his company, Playhaven, whatever shit that is. Profiles in courage you guys, profiles in courage.

Now, since this was not only an internet thing, but also an entry in the gender wars, the twitterverse/Facebook brigade responded by flooding the complainer with predictably awful and over the top offensive feedback that would make a David Mamet story look like a Davey and Goliath, thus making the villain of the piece a victim.

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At this point, hacktivist group Anonymous decided to get involved, seeking to right the injustice that was perpetrated upon the dongler, threatening computer attacks against her employer:

“Adria Richards engaged in malicious conduct to destroy the another individual’s professional career due to what she perceived as an affront to her own extremist views from a comment that was not directed at her, not meant for her to hear, and certainly not for her to provide unwarranted input on. As such, she should have her professional career destroyed just like her victim in order for justice to be rendered and balance restored to the universe. The hivemind’s judgement is final and there is no appeal. No forgiveness, no forgetting remember?”

A Denial of Service attack aimed at her employer followed this.

And the final act of this sad, pathetic play: Her company predictably (and justifiably) fired HER, claiming that since she was unable to act effectively as a product evangelist for her client because of the controversy she started with her stupid, thin-skinned whining, they had to terminate her.

So that’s the story- for now at least. It’s still bubbling along in teh internets and there it can stay.

So lets keep track here:

JOBS LOST:  2

REPUTATIONS DESTROYED: 2

COMPANY REPUTATIONS RUINED: 2

MALICIOUS ELECTRONIC ATTACKS: 1 (AT LEAST)

ALL BECAUSE SOME IDIOT MADE A LAME JOKE ABOUT A FREAKING “DONGLE”.  AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!  I swear, something as trivial and lame as that can cause all of this repercussion, I don’t even know how we don’t nuke each other 3 times a day because someone at the Kremlin sneezed or someone in the Pentagon used an old hashtag or something.

The guys who made the joke were dumb and guilty of minor offense at best. He didn’t deserve to get fired.

The girl is a dope who DID deserve to be fired because she can’t cope with the real world or have the guts to just ask someone to shut up.

PyCon is a bunch of effing zeros for escorting the guy out. I can’t imagine a more boring, conformist  place than that except for maybe North Korea’s main drag after sunset.

Playhaven is a bunch of gutless cretins for firing the guy because they were afraid of blowback made about a 5th grade lame joke

The public that weighs in on this stuff online is awful

The company that fired the woman is actually justified.

And I’ll never say anything bad about the fine upstanding citizens of Anonymous. Nosiree.  Salt of the earth I say! (Stop calling me a coward!)

This one was certainly NOT fun with teh internet this week….

 

 

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The Cockfighters

16 Feb

February 16, 2011

“No one in this world, so far as I know … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.” HL Mencken said that and to this day no one understands what it means. Why? Because the average person is stupid.

OK, I know that sounds nasty. You probably expected me to continue that last sentence with “but,” as in “OK, I know that sounds nasty but in reality…” Sorry. Not going to happen. It’s that kind of blog.

I may be cynical but I believe that I come by that cynicism honestly. The average man does stupid things. Just look at any seasonal news stories. Thanksgiving: Man dies from burns received when attempting to flash-fry a turkey in an oil drum. Fourth of July: Man attempts to start a barbeque by tossing gasoline on his grill and dies of third degree burns. And the worst burn of all: Valentine’s Day: Man gets married.

And then there are sporting events. I am not knocking the sport of boxing, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? Neither am I knocking hockey, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? And soccer? What sane man would compete in a sport where the sound of vuvuzela’s drive you out of your friggin’ head? My God, it was bad enough listening to that crap on TV, but to have to be in the stadium while thousands of people blow those cheap plastic Happy Meal horns so loud that you can’t hear yourself tell them to shove those horns up there asses? And yeah, what sane man would voluntarily compete in an event where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? That soccer ball has to hurt.

Perhaps this may be a good time to warn you that this blog may contain a bit of salty language and slight sexual innuendo. How can I avoid it when the main topic is cockfighting?

I will now pause while you snigger and get it all out of your system. Go ahead, laugh. After all, we’re talking about cockfights. BTW- you may want to be careful when you type that into your search engine.

Also, while it may be factually and linguistically correct to refer to the fighting birds as “cocks,” I am going to stick with the much safer word “roosters.” If you need an explanation then the internet is not for you.

According to wikipedia, proved accurate a mere 23% of the time, “The combatants, aptly referred to as gamecocks, are specially bred birds, conditioned for increased stamina and strength. The comb and wattle are cut off in order to meet show standards of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club.”

Well yeah, but no. See, that assumes that you are following international cockfighting rules, which you can’t in America or Europe. It is illegal to stage cockfights in those parts of the world. But of course it goes on, in cellars and basements, in Michael Vick’s house, in the back of bars, really, anywhere out of the view of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club. And trust me, those people running the fights do not play by the rules.

For example, what wiki fails to mention is that some people are stupid enough to attach weapons to the bird’s feet. Whoever thought it was a good idea to strap a knife to a rooster’s foot?

Apparently Jose Luis Ochoa did.

It is hard to have faith in your fellow man when you read stuff like that. The Wide World of Sports really needs to make him their agony of defeat guy.

Speaking of sports, we need some balls. Harry Baals.

The Harry Baals building. I hear the Harry Baals building has a really short elevator shaft, if you know what I mean. (Yeah, well, that’s why I’m not writing porn.)

The Deputy Mayor is right. Once you name that building after Hairy, uh, Harry Baals you are going to get no end of attention, just not the kind you’d like. Look no further than Beavis and Butthead for proof. (Remember how this blog started, people are stupid? I’m still on point.) I can’t link to it because there is no good copy on youtube, but remember how they tortured Harry Sachz? For Wayne doesn’t need that. If this were Detroit I’d say go for it, but what has Fort Wayne done to you?

PT Barnum once said “We are all, no doubt, born for a wise purpose.” After reading these stories, I prefer this quote often attributed to Alexander Hamilton: “The masses are asses.”

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