If you are looking for proof that there are too many channels and not enough good programs, this is it.
I was up around 1:30 this morning and was just flipping around looking for something to watch when I came across a show on REELZ, a network that specializes in obscurity. The show was called The Capones and it is a reality show that focuses on a family of stereotypical mafia-style Italians named Capone. Are they related to Al Capone? Beats me. I only watched ten minutes, enough to satisfy my curiosity. And what whet my curiosity? This description did.
“Uncle Lou believes he has the clap.”
Don’t you love this golden age of television? Back when I Love Lucy was on the air, Ricky and Lucy had to sleep in separate beds and they could not say the word “pregnant.” And now, decades, later, here is Uncle Lou catching “the clap.” Ah, progress, you truly are a bitch.
Anyway, I never did find out if Lou has “the clap.” I do know that he has ridiculously dyed eyebrows and mustache. In the scene I saw, Lou confronted one of his relatives, who seemed to be half drunk, about the continued employment in their restaurant of another relative, who seemed to be fully asleep, and was, right next to the bar. Then Lou told her that she seemed to be depressed and told her to see a psychic. Is she a real psychic? Yeah, replied “she has the Shining or something.”
At that point I grabbed my cell phone, snapped a few pics, and changed the channel.
Is this the face of a man with “the clap?” Decide for yourself, but I think that “the clap” is the least of his problems.
Since nothing much happened this week, except that for once the show focused on building bikes, there will be no rundown this week. (I’m taking the weekly out of weekly this week.) But don’t worry, I’ll be back next week with a jumbo recap of the season finale for all you American Chopper fans. And also with an apology for the vast majority of the rest of you for the last six weeks of recaps.
With all the attention I gave to American Choppers and Scrappers, not to mention The Apprentice and Hell’s Kitchen, you might wonder what else Mr. Blog watches. I watch a lot of good stuff, like Law and Order: SVU, House, and Criminal Minds, but they just aren’t funny to write about, and shows like The Middle and Modern Family are already funny and don’t need me to mine them for laughs.
But there are a ton of cable networks out there, way too many to watch, and honestly most of them are not worth watching. So here I present Mr. Blog’s list of shows too crappy for even him. These are actual descriptions taken straight from each show’s official site. But beware! One show is totally bogus and made up. See if you can guess which one.
Billy The Exterminator In this funny family docusoap about the zaniest pest removal company on the planet, we join Billy Bretherton and his family members as they are called to take care of Louisiana’s worst pest problems.
Ma’s Roadhouse Rick Fairless is the owner of Strokers Dallas, a Texas motorcycle shop, tattoo parlor and biker bar. His greatest asset is his 71-year-old mother, who’s also his best, but most outspoken, employee. Can Rick keep his business afloat? And can Ma keep her hands off the bartender?
It Only Hurts When I Laugh Watch hilarious clips of people caught in the craziest predicaments. It’s a half hour of the zaniest stunts and dumbest situations ever caught on tape.
Air Traffic Antics Millions of people rely on airlines to get them where they are going, but to the airline workers who put in long hours, the job can be a bore. Meet the crew of WXOP 1480AM, the official low-power information radio station of LaGuardia Airport. Not just content to deliver ETA’s and self-parking updates, this team tries to add a bit of zany morning zoo and shock jock antics to the air! Watch as the FAA meets the FCC and you’ll LOL!
All Worked Up This series goes on the job with people whose work entails delivering bad news or dealing with difficult situations where the recipient may explode in a rage. Whether it is serving subpoenas, parking violations, or towing cars, there is never a dull moment in this half-hour of non-stop action.
Bait Car A criminal walks past an empty car with its engine running. He looks around, but sees no owner. So he steals the vehicle. Unfortunately for him, the police are watching his every move with a hidden video camera they installed on the dashboard. The officers press a button and shut down the automobile and the thief is led away in handcuffs. He’s been snared with a Bait Car.
Operation Repo From luxury boats and planes to expensive sports cars and tricked-out trucks, if you can’t make your payments, the Operation Repo team will find you! When it comes to recovering property from deadbeat owners, Lou, Sonia, Matt, Froy and Lyndah will stop at nothing to get the job done.
OK, I have to admit that this last one is real. Here is the opening, which seems to be trying to scare the viewer away from the TV set. (Maybe they need to repo it?)
See how many times they used “zany”? Notice that these are all cheap-o reality shows? Network TV has moved away from reality this season, with more scripted shows debuting, but cable TV will always be the home of lousy television.
So let me know which one you think is the fake. You have to admit, the fake sounds just as plausible as the real ones, sad to say.
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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