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Tag Archives: Al Capone

Uncle Lou

13 Apr

April 13, 2014

uncle lou

If you are looking for proof that there are too many channels and not enough good programs, this is it.

I was up around 1:30 this morning and was just flipping around looking for something to watch when I came across a show on REELZ, a network that specializes in obscurity. The show was called The Capones and it is a reality show that focuses on a family of stereotypical mafia-style Italians named Capone. Are they related to Al Capone? Beats me. I only watched ten minutes, enough to satisfy my curiosity. And what whet my curiosity? This description did.

louiewooie

“Uncle Lou believes he has the clap.”

Don’t you love this golden age of television? Back when I Love Lucy was on the air, Ricky and Lucy had to sleep in separate beds and they could not say the word “pregnant.” And now, decades, later, here is Uncle Lou catching “the clap.” Ah, progress, you truly are a bitch.

Anyway, I never did find out if Lou has “the clap.” I do know that he has ridiculously dyed eyebrows and mustache. In the scene I saw, Lou confronted one of his relatives, who seemed to be half drunk, about the continued employment in their restaurant of another relative, who seemed to be fully asleep, and was, right next to the bar. Then Lou told her that she seemed to be depressed and told her to see a psychic. Is she a real psychic? Yeah, replied “she has the Shining or something.”

At that point I grabbed my cell phone, snapped a few pics, and changed the channel.

Is this the face of a man with “the clap?” Decide for yourself, but I think that “the clap” is the least of his problems.

And I also believe he has “the clap.”

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Chicago Calling: Part One Week!

27 Dec

December 27, 2013

part one logo

from July 13, 2006

GreetingsChicagoHere I am in Chicago, the Windy City. The flight was pretty good and we got in early. In fact, the only problem was the guy sitting next to me.

He wasn’t annoying, and he wasn’t bothering me. If he didn’t SMELL LIKE A SEWER RAT I probably wouldn’t have noticed him.

Strangely, Stinky McStinkson was dressed in a fancy business suit. Oh, did I mention that he was an asshole too? He took off his jacket and wedged it, neatly, between his tray and the seat so that it was hanging neatly. Neatly, except that at least six inches of it dragged on the floor. It got stepped on by everyone walking through the aisle and every time, he brushed it off and put it neatly back down, then the merry-go-round would start again. A couple of times it fell on the floor and he put it back the same stupid way.

He had two books. One was Maverick Real Estate Investing. He never looked at that one. He spent the whole two hour flight reading- intently! – Father to Daughter. It was a fat book with huge print, fitting about 12 words on a page. 12 were too many. It was all Zen-like BS aphorisms like “She may be cute, but not too cute to throw food.” And “Take her for a walk in the woods. She may get a splinter, but youll get a tree of love.” I couldn’t stop peeking at it. People get paid to write that shit? And what kind of tools would read it? Isn’t that like a gag gift from Spencers?

The people in Chicago are really nice. When I got off the plane, a gentleman came up to me and offered to exchange all of my NY money for Chicago currency. He must have really taken me for a fool. He only offered two Capones for one dollar. I wasnt born yesterday. I haggled and got him up to four Capones. So I now have 1,000 Capones, which the nice man assures me are accepted all over Chicago. Heh, I really played him for a sucker.

AlCapone

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