Tag Archives: pool

HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!! Not a pill! Not a drug!

27 Jan

January 27, 2014

A couple of second graders in Boston had some free time on their hands and they wrote a list of steps to falling in love. Although they had 24 slots, they ended the list at 13. Either they ran out of time or 13 is all you need, I don’t know. Maybe the missing 11 steps are for the divorce.

love list

Also missing are steps 7 and 9, but I think that just adds to the mystery and mystique of love! The kids’ steps are in black, my commentary is in red.

1. First you stare at the person. DO NOT do this on the subway. This will get you arrested and/or sprayed with mace.

2. You get close to each other. But not too close! See step one above.

3. You ask for a date. Ok.

4. You go in bed and do sex. Number four, like the others on the list, is singular, so I guess that after step three, asking for a date, you were turned down, so you go to bed and masturbate.

5. When you kiss you suck and lick. These are some advanced second-graders!

6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex. Wow, you must be an animal!

7.

8. Go dance and put your noses together. Um, what?

9.

10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever. “Forever? Forever ever?”

(I was hoping I could find this clip!)

11. Take a shower together and kiss. Um, I thought we were already kissing forever?

12. Give each other rings. Sounds like every judge show ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_QZGddJ5S4

13. Go to the pool together. Ah, yes, the most important step in any relationship, go to the pool together. What the what now?

It works every time!

It works every time!

So there you go, follow those 24 um, 13, um 11 steps and you too will find true love and happiness!

.

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Imponderable #100: The Swimming Pool

12 Jul

July 12, 2013

In honor of the 100th Imponderable (a feat which I, with my short attention span and chronic laziness, never thought I would reach), I present this week a double helping of only in the summer Imponderables.

n1

This is a teen movie come to life. Think about it- you are all alone and a woman wants to swim, totally naked, in your pool while her husband is gone. Who is going to say no? Unless the woman is built like Roseanne Barr, no one would. So she swam around for 20 minutes, during which the man had about a million fantasies run through his head, and wham bam, long story short, no one should be surprised that his house was robbed. What could be a better distraction?

Try a small inflatable raft.

raft

Jeez Louise! An inflatable rubber raft, in public, on multiple occasions. It has to be love. Edwin Tobergta, Raft F*cker and Rosie the Raft, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G.

Or worse.

What is wrong with this nutjob?
The question is Imponderable.

A RAFT?????

Summer is the cruelest season. These crimes would never have happened in the freezing winter.