Tag Archives: imponderable

Fun With Teh Internets: Quick Hits

28 Jan

January 28, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m contractually obligated to Mr. B for one page of stuff per week. This week, I couldn’t quite put all of the rage I feel into one coherent piece, so I’m taking the easy way out and going all stream of consciousness and stuff…..ok, I’m half-assing it really, but let’s all be honest here – my full-assed efforts probably aren’t much better!

This Commercial Annoys Me….

Let’s get this straight.  The flying waitresses are incredulous about…… a phone app. NOT a talking, intelligent pig. About an app that is actually so common, everyone has at least one.  Some commercials are so stupid as to insult the viewer. This is one such commercial. You can ask Mr. Blog, I often watch commercials so mind-numbingly stupid that I basically put a fatwah on everyone involved with it in any way.

 Speaking of Annoying….
Nobody ruins a baseball game like FOX.  ESPN is close, but FOX sets the bar lowest. And the main reason for that is loudmouth Tim McCarver. I’ve never listened to anyone as unknowledgeable about baseball as him, and that includes Joe Morgan and my 3 yr. old cousin. There’s a reason he was fired by BOTH the Mets and Yanks. I remember one inane thing he must’ve said about twenty times during the ’85 season – something he thought was the height of wit. “Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?” To which I always answered the television with “die.”  I plan on outliving this clown for spite.

mccarver

What I’m Watching….

They may not look like much, but these are REAL men. They gave up their lives and families and basically headed to Alaska to strike it rich mining for gold:

gold rush

Of course, these guys are also kind of screw-ups in a lot of ways. They don’t know what they’re doing so it’s always one problem or another with them. That said, it’s fascinating to watch the process, the machinery, and just to see how much effort goes into finding even one ounce of precious, precious gold. And “Dakota Fred” – a crusty old miner who doesn’t take any guff – makes this show. Highly recommended!

Most Hardcore Father Ever….

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258877/Chinese-father-hires-virtual-hitman-kill-son-online-games–job.html

It’s not quite what you think. Basically, poor Mr. Feng’s son was a layabout no-account lazy bum who wouldn’t tear himself away from his video games long enough to get a job. So he did what any loving father would do: hired better players to constantly find his son’s presence online and kill him straightaway on the premise that if he kept getting pwn3d like a noob, he’d quit and find a job and become productive member of the ruling party.  Of course, the plan didn’t work out, but it was a worthy try. I’d have just smashed the computer myself, but Dif’rent Strokes (RIP Conrad Bain) and such.

What I’m Reading….

Books? What are those?????

Imponderable #77: Port St. Lucie Florida

18 Jan

January 18, 2012

rash

Policemen often save lives. They are trained to stop the bad guys and rescue little children. Then there are the days when some guy pulls down his pants and you have to look at a rash on his balls.

I am an avid viewer of old cop shows, specifically Dragnet and Adam-12, and I never saw Friday and Gannon or Reed and Molloy deal with a situation like this.

Uninspiring as that story is, I think it is a fine example of good police work. If it were me I would have given him the ticket and told him to show it to the judge. But rather than pass the buck, this officer did his rather repulsive duty and did the right thing, so good for him. Of course, I can only imagine the ribbing the other cops gave him back at the station.

But wow, what’s up with the rash guy? If I had a rash that bad that I could not stop scratching I’d have it slathered in ointment, cream, anti-itch powder, whatever the drugstore had. And if it were on my balls? No way would I just drive around with it.

I hate even thinking about it because it just puts disgusting images in my head of how bad this rash must have looked if the officer immediately gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Blech, I’m shivering. Those testicles must have looked like raw meat.

What the heck was wrong with that guy’s balls?

The question is grossly Imponderable.