Tag Archives: fun with teh internets

Allan Keyes is Getting Old

2 Sep

September 2, 2013

keyes

So I learned a valuable life lesson on Thursday:  It’s beyond humiliating to die on the first level of Burger Time while a 7-year old watches.

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I suppose that odd epiphany merits a drop of explanation. Unfortunately you can’t get the whole story….yet.  So for now, let’s just say that on Thursday, Mr. B and I had cause to be in a certain New Jersey town for a certain appointment, which we will definitely both be writing about in the near future when we are able. And during our stay in that certain town, we passed the coolest vintage arcade, where I beclowned myself in front of a slackjawed kid.

This was the coolest old-school arcade, they had all the BEST games from when I was a kid:

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So of course, I basically dragged Mr. B in. Not that he needed much convincing, I could barely tear him away from the Turbo machine when it was time to go.

I was a fat, four-eyed nerdy kid with a big mop of unkempt hair (I’ve changed plenty over the years – I’m going bald) but when I walked into the arcade, it was my dojo and I was the black belt star pupil. I’d go for an hour on Centipede, or beat you in Street Fighter 2 faster than you could say Hadoken  Shoryuken! How good was I at these things – any and all of these things? Let’s put it this way: I beat Street Fighter 2 on one quarter using Zangief – and I didn’t once use his spinning piledriver. Now you probably had a life, so the last paragraph was gibberish for you, I’ll translate: I WAS THAT. DAMN. GOOD.

So I swagger in, still on a high from that certain appointment, and I see all my old favorites, and I’m so excited……until I start to play.

And die. And die. And die.

The fail started quick, when I lasted all of 20 seconds on Donkey Kong Jr.  I mean c’mon, I do complicated data mining operations every day at work, and I couldn’t get any traction on this:

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And it wasn’t just rust either.  In successive order, I was quickly dispatched on the following: Spy Hunter, Double Dragon, Alien Syndrome, Mario Brothers, and  Zaxxon, before bottoming out on Burger Time in front of the kid.

It’s kind of deflating to be defeated by primitive pattern-based 1981 programming.  I rallied at the end with a good run on Mrs. Pac-Man (kind of a gimmie really, but I needed some something to salve my ego)

I suppose I enjoyed playing all those cool old games from my youth again, but stinking up the joint (and paying for the privilege) kind of takes the bloom off the rose. So what did I do? I went home and proceeded to get absolutely skunked at Call of Duty on my X-box. Some days you just can’t catch a break!

In the meantime, there’s a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up if you’re interested:

 

 

 

 

Writer’s Block #4 / I AM THUNDARR!

29 Aug

August 29, 2013

Damn you Allan Keyes! You screwed me again! I ask you, Dear Reader, was there a new Fun With Teh Internets this week? No there was not. And in the Sneak Peek of the Week I promised he’d be back. Damn you Allan Keyes! and worse, I don’t know what to write. So it is back to the list of for-real, real deal, strange but true writing prompts used by schools around the country.  

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (NYU, 2009)

The year: 2050. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil. He is Thundarr, the Barbarian!

Yes! I AM THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN! And before you call shenanigans, I must point out that this movie will be made in the future, in 2050. Who are you to say that this will not happen? By 2050, Thundarr the Barbarian will be a historical documentary. And I WILL BE THUNDARR!

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