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Scrappers Mail: Letters from people who love Scrappers and hate me.

23 Sep

September 23, 2010

I get mail all the time from people who disagree with me about Scrappers, and if you look in the comments section you can see that they are usually well thought out and in the end I even tend to agree with most of what they have to say. So for the record: 

  • Yes, I do think the show is entertaining.
  • I do agree that all the scrappers are hardworking, even Darren, in his own slug-like way.
  • Noots, Sal, and the rest, are not bad people. (Though I confess, I get a laugh out of calling him “Noots.” What is his real last name? Nootsbaum?)
  • I take the show a bit differently than others because it is shot in my neighborhood.

Where we disagree is that I think that the producers at Spike TV do their best to make them look like wannabe mafia members, with stereotypical music and descriptions. I think the producers at Spike TV generally only show jobs where the scrappers look silly or make no money. How many times have we seen Dino and Mimmo lose money after a whole day of work? I think the producers at Spike TV intentionally create situations that have no basis in reality. Remember the episode where Dino and Mimmo picked up the old lady and took her to the hospital? That van is in no way safe for an old woman and, if during the course of filming a television show for Spike TV, she got injured, Dino, Mimmo, and the producers at Spike TV would be on the hook for a big lawsuit. In reality that would never be allowed. And at what point on screen did you see the woman sign a release for her image to be used on television? I think the producers at Spike TV do their best to make these guys look stupid (two episodes (!) ended with someone complaining about how much his genitals hurt) and in the process make the whole area look bad.

Or do you think that the video of Darren singing was made to get him a shot on American Idol? That was on the official Spike TV website! Of course they are making fun of him!

So I wasn’t too surprised when I received this unusually cogent and insightful email from a Mr. John G., whose last name I will only identify by an initial:

First of all I don’t think these guys look like jerks at all in fact to me they look like guys with their own reality show and a great one at that, so let me guess you will watch everyone of the episodes and hate on all of them and that is because you are just another hater.

Thanks John. Let me take this run-on sentence point by point.

I don’t think these guys look like jerks at all in fact to me they look like guys with their own reality show

If they don’t look like jerks to you, that’s fine. The ratings are good so obviously there are many people who agree with you. As for your cogent rebuttal that “they look like guys with their own reality show,” well, I take off my hat to you sir. I have no reply. You really got me there.

let me guess you will watch everyone of the episodes and hate on all of them

As you frequently read my blog, you know that I commented, either in general or specifically, on about 90% of the episodes. Did I “hate on” all of them? I think that I pointed out what I thought were the worst parts of each episode. You never saw me take a cheap shot at the scrapper’s girlfriends or call anyone a “hater,” for example, or point out that if a paragraph begins with “first of all” there should also be a “secondly.”

because you are just another hater.

No, it is because Scrappers blogs bring traffic to my website.

While I was still recovering my dignity from Mr. G. forcing me to concede that “ they look like guys with their own reality show,” Mr. G. wrote in again with another attack worthy of H. L. Mencken:

where is your show you clown your blog sucks

Again, Mr, G., you’ve bested me. You force me to concede that, sadly, I have no show.

At any rate, Scrappers is done for the season, and it ended on a high note. Darren got married (in a church I pass almost everyday), Noots got his scrap yard in Coney Island, Sal is still working hard.

So Mr. G., relax, put down your remote and attend some English classes, because this will be my last Scrappers blog.

Until next season.

Probably.

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American Chopper Senior vs. Junior Week 5: Bad Parenting 101

20 Sep

September 20, 2010

Parenting- noun
1- the rearing of children
2- the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children

From the web:

Are you constantly searching the latest on parenting to make sure you are doing everything exactly right? It’s time to relax. Temple University psychologist, Laurence Steinberg, says that perfect parents just don’t exist.

“Most parents are pretty good parents,” says Steinberg, “But I’ve never met a parent who is perfect 100 percent of the time. We all can improve our batting average.”

TEN BASIC PRINCIPLE’S OF GOOD PARENTING

1- What you do matters
2- You can’t be too loving
3- Be involved in you  child’s life
4- Adapt your parenting to fit your child
5- Establish and set rules
6- Foster your child’s independence
7- Be consistent
8- Avoid harsh discipline
9- Explain your rules and decisions
10- Treat your child with respect

To provide some insights on the difficult world of parenting, Mr. Blog has invited someone who embodies parenthood and displays his methodology each week on cable television. I’m sure we can all learn a lot from him.

And now, Presenting Prof. Paul Teutul Sr.:

Is this thing on? Who here is from out of town? Wait- I think this is a carburator or something.

Hey there. Parenting can be a tough thing, and uh, I’m just glad that I got this chance to talk about it.

I was asked to write something this week on this here internet because some of the parenting things on the show this week, American Chopper, OCC, seem to be kinda misunderstood, or misinterpreted, ya know?

First of all, the idear that I don’t love my sons is just nonsense. Everything I do is to get a better relationship with them. Look at number six on the list. Independence. It hurts me when I see my son Mikey, big as a house, looks like he smells like a dead muskrat. I feel sorry for him, he’s pathetic, but sometimes you need tough love, ya know what I’m saying? At the rate he’s going he’ll barely last the year. I love him and I’ll be proud to be his pallbearer in my sleeveless suit. Ya know with my guns, I don’t need anybody else. I’ll carry the coffin myself. That’s love.

Paulie? Youse have to understand, he sleeps until like noon everyday so I have to do a lot to get his attention. Its all up to me. Its like number two says, you can’t be too loving. Like when I built that there ramp behind my shop, ya know? Let me tell you the story behind that.

I was busy in the shop, yelling at somebody to finally get off their ass and do something around here, when that idiot Jason called me in to the office to hear something on the radio. It was Mikey and Vinnie. They was talking crap about how all the good OCC bikes was made by them, how Paulie did all the design work, and I was gettin’ all pissed off. Sure he designed all the cool bikes from the early years, like the Fire Department bike, and the black Widow bike, and the Jets bike, but who the fuck is he to tell people that? Who the fuck did some of the welding, ya know, and the handlebars? Me. When I wasn’t off gettin’ a massage or walking my big slobbering dog that was all me. I did everything. I built this shop with my bare hands. I bent the steel with my teeth. Youse think he could build a bike himself? Not if he had to get up before noon. Jason may be a stupid looking Mongoloid freak but at least he gets here on time.

So anyways I decided, ya know, just to have a little fun, to build a ramp and fire a bike off of it, with a dummy dressed like Paulie on it, over a ravine we got there down behind the shop. Just to get his attention, ya know, just to tweak him. It’s all in good fun. I figured that would let him know I love him. What says love more than blowing up a dummy of your son? Its not like we have any bikes to build or anything.

So we fired the thing up and shot it out of a slingshot let me tell you it just, uh, sorta fell off the ramp and bounced a few feet. I really hoped that Paulie would see it or hear about and and maybe this would be the start of some sort of reconciliation or somethin’ but Paulie never did say anything about it so maybe next time I need to try something else. I think I’ll burn a cross on his lawn to show him how much I care.

Some people pointed out that it was like I was, ya know, symbolically killing my son or something, but what I got to say about that is, sometimes a symbol stands for something, ya know?

As far as the other stuff this week, yeah, I can see how people might think that I badmouthed Paulie to some schoolchildren, but it was all in good fun. I call that “opening the lines of communication.” Eventually what I said will get back to him, and he can say what he wants to the school kids too, if he ever does build a bike. Its like that telephone game youse played in grade school. Telephone equals communications, right? I heard that no one wants to hire him and he has no money coming in down there. Figures. Who ever heard of Paul Jr. Designs? I got the name, OCC, uh Orange County Choppers. All he’s got is some building where a guy died.

Thank you Professor Teutul. Next week our guest parenting lecturer will be:

"Luke, who is that tatooed douche bag?"

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