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Writer’s Block #2

14 Aug

August 14

I have writer’s block.

What? The pair of reruns this week didn’t give you a clue? Sheesh, take a brain cell out of petty cash, ok?

Anyway, I have writer’s block, and if you doubted it before that lousy brain cell zinger should be all the proof you need. So I went back to the list of odd writing prompts I found online and picked one at random.

Are we alone? (Tufts, 2009)

And for that Tufts charges about a bazillion dollars admission. Anyway, here we go.

Are We Alone?

Are we alone? How should I know? I have no idea who you are or where you are or what you’re doing or even if you are doing it without pants. If you have a secret to tell me and you don’t want anyone around to know it, just back off. I’m not interested.

I hate that question. “Are we alone?” It conjures up images of creepy uncles I won’t talk to any more, strange old men with lotion on their palms, restraining orders, and other memories I work hard to suppress every single day of my life, thank you very much. “Are we alone?” I sure as hell hope we are not.

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Imponderable #103: Arkansas

2 Aug

August 2, 2013

I want to apologize beforehand. This is another testicle story. Between this and the guy with the 140 pound testicles I really don’t want this site to become Testicle Central. I really need to rethink the Imponderable. Last week’s goofy ghost story is more in line with what I prefer. However, that said, the essence of an Imponderable is that (among other things) it is unbelievable. This story I find very, very hard to believe. We have A- a man who is paralyzed from the waist down and B- his dog. And in the fact that C- he sleeps in the nude and the fact that D- the dog was hungry and you may know where this is going.

testy1

I may need to rethink, not just The Imponderable, but my whole life if this is the sort of story I am going to post. I have a headache right now.

But I am not as bad off as that guy in the story.

One quick note. This story has been edited by The Daily News since it originally appeared. The comments section was full of readers complaining that, as it was first published, the story read “the dog was in fact eating his ball” instead of “his gonad.”

I have a lot of other problems with this story.
TQII

PS: I will not be at all surprised if this is just an urban legend. Somebody check Snopes.

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