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My Hipster Doofus Lunch

28 Aug

August 28, 2013

Where would you rather eat: a place with an extensive menu and generous portions of good food, or a pretentious place where on Sunday they only have a brunch menu which has as its highlight “warm donut appetizer”?

Now guess which one I got stuck in.

3:45 in the afternoon. Who is still serving brunch at a quarter to four? Better yet- who wants brunch? It isn’t breakfast, it isn’t lunch, you can’t get a T-bone steak (now THAT’S a man’s brunch) and if you go in and order oatmeal you deserve the scorn I will heap on you. The brunch menu was less satisfying than the breakfast menu, less satisfying than the lunch menu, but made me much angrier than either.

Before I name this place, I do have to give it a compliment. The service was good. My party of four had- no joke!- five different people serving us, sometimes three at once. The service was so omnipresent that if my soup was too hot there was someone over my shoulder to blow on it for me.

But seriously, there was one good thing about this place. Out table was in the front and we were right near the window. Just on the other side were outdoor tables and two of them were filled with nothing but cute busty blondes in sun dresses. I LOVE New York!

But the menu sucked.

We were in lower Manhattan and someone in my party who is not to be named because my brother is marrying her and I want to keep harmony in the family, suggested The Odeon. This is allegedly a well-known and very good diner. I call it pretentious because the one-page menu (what diner has a one-page menu?) listed the Executive Chef, whom I will not name due to the fact that he might start crying in his soufflé.

Meanwhile, if I heard someone at the table say that Robert Di Niro ate there once I heard it 34X108 times. Would you take dinning advice from this man?

                  Robert-De-Niro_1378583i     

I have pictures but, due to the fact that I currently have The World’s Worst Cell Phone (I think it was made in pre-war Italy) the pictures came out awful. I’ll post them anyway and try to give you the highlights.

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The appetizers included Goat Cheese Salad, Steak Tartare, Mixed Green Salad, and French Onion Soup. The Saturday specials on the sidebar included the aforementioned warm donut. Who in their right mind would call a warm donut a special? In that case my local Dunkin Donuts is full of special donuts (mostly lukewarm, some stale.) My brother and I both had the French onion soup. It wasn’t that good. We both had better french onion in Outback Steakhouse, of all places, and I have no clue if they have an Executive Chef or just pour it out of a bag. And this soup had some dry crunchy things topping the cheese which were especially unwelcome, both in taste and texture.

Note that the menu then has an egg section and a cereal and griddle section. We all skipped that since we wanted food.

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The lunch entrees section contained nothing to get excited about either. I will let it speak for itself that our party contained a lawyer in a well-known firm, a director of a non-profit organization, a banker, and me, a high-level supervisor at a Company I Am not at liberty to name, and three of us ordered the cheeseburger.

I ordered mine medium and when I lifted it to take my first bite, the grease dripped out and ruined my shirt.

We are not without class. We are well-educated people, but normal people. We live in New York but not among the hipster doofus hoi-poloi. We wanted food. Cheese curd would not do it.

And that lousy French onion soup? $12.

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The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: The Adolph Hitler Doll (Historic Yet Awful Repost)

24 Aug

August 25, 2013

Summer is nearing an end, so you know what that means. Hitler!

from January 5, 2013

HITLER DOLL HEADER

hitler doll

This doll is made, I fervently hope, not for children but for the collector’s market. The totally messed-up and psychologically screwy collector’s market. The Adolph Hitler doll is a part of the War Ciminals of the 2oth Century series. Other dolls in the set include Himmler and Castro.

Here are a few comments from around the web:

From Graveyardrecords.com:

This doll was made by In The Past Toys of Staten Island, New York in 2000 and became 1 of the hardest dolls of Adolf Hitler to every be made, it is also the best looking doll to ever be made. The likeness is dead on and looks just as Adolf did at the height of his power..

This doll stands about 12″ tall and the box is in Near Mint condition with only minor self wear.

Please keep in mind that Graveyard Records & Movie Maniacs is only selling this doll due to it’s historic / collector purpose and is not intended to glorify, nor exploit the horrors and atrocities of war.

From vice.com:

“All the GI Joe collectors I used to meet would say how lousy figures were these days,” Deborah says from her studio in Staten Island. “They would go on about how nobody was making figures that collectors really wanted to see. I decided the best one to make would be Hitler.

“At first I had one or two people complaining, but the overall response to the figure has been amazing.

Obviously not one to be held back in her commercial ambitions by taste or decency, Deborah’s soon launching a set of serial killer dolls including Charles Manson, the Hillside Strangler, David Berkowitz aka the Son Of Sam, “Hannibal the Cannibal, and the Chainsaw Massacre guy.”

Even better, she’s about to create a line of “Middle Eastern Agitators,” which will feature 12-inch, detailed-to-the-max dolls of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden.

Who’s next? Quaddafi? The Ayatollah?

“I can’t tell you our secrets, but there’s going to be 15-20 new figures out this year. Don’t rule anything out.”

Seriously, who wants these dolls? Who is clamoring for a Charles Manson doll?

If you need a Hitler doll, keep it to yourself.

I just don’t get it. I would not play with this, I would not display this, I would not let any hint escape that I own this.

Never mind registration for guns, I want registration for Hitler doll owners.

HitlerDoll