Archive | news RSS feed for this section

Allan Keyes Looks At The World And Says “Ugh.”

18 Mar

March 18, 2013

keyes1.jpg

So here I was, searching the web for help with my……erm, uh, “colon problem” and when I googled “little poopies” what did I discover (besides the fact that I needed to put my safe search on before I went blind?)

This:

poopy1

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dad-9-year-old-rapper-charged-neglect-article-1.1273649

Lil Poopy in full flow. lil-pooper-adult-abuse-lead

Evidentally “Lil Poopy” is a 9-yr old victim of child abuse rapper who’s alleged “parents” are under investigation for any and all myriad of offenses, including ruining that sweet car with those awful garish rims.

Even though Mr. B has all but begged me to write about this (with this type of awfulness being right up my wheelhouse) I’ve held off, mainly because seeing epic-level irresponsibility such as this makes me tired to my soul. I simply can’t summon the righteous fury needed for this topic. It’s times like this that I wish I was a racist – I’d doubtless have no trouble going on a 4-page screed in that case. 

Ok, I lie – I am angry. Reading this makes me want to hit someone:

Nate Hill

Yeah, this jagoff. I was thinking about him yesterday and I realized that he still needs to get his sad-sack ass kicked.

Anyway, life imitates art I suppose. I watched that kid rapping and I was reminded of my favorite episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Weu6k43hP78

d3

Remember kids, go to 642, Wharf Avenue! Ask for Carl.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Imponderable #85: Milton Keynes England

15 Mar

March 15, 2013

Let’s jump right in, shall we? (“That’s what she said!”)

     iamgoingtomugonlyoldpeople                  

Perfect! I am only going to mug old and disabled people because it would be wrong to discriminate against them. I am going to mug only the homeless (though the point of that is beyond me) and when it comes to murder I will only attack female executives being kept down by the glass ceiling. Really, it is just fair.

(BTW- “Milton Keynes” is actually the name of a town. Don’t make the mistake I did of confusing it with the name of my dentist.)

Of course, and this should come as no surprise, the Mr. Grammar in me wonders why “madams” is in quotation marks. Is she not a madam? Does the word madam stand for something else? It isn’t like they danced around the word brothel.

But to get back to my crime spree, I think it only fair (and right!)  to steal the wallets of people in wheelchairs and to only hold ethnic minorities hostage. Plus, I promise to commit all of my crimes in the most environmentally friendly way possible. For example, I will only wear ski masks made of free-range wool when I rob banks. And my getaway car will be a Prius to cut down on my criminal carbon footprint. You see, I care. I really do.

And I will never rob a middle-aged white guy because that is a sure one-way ticket to jail.

So watch out, you mentally handicapped, physically disabled, senior citizen minority with a rare blood type, I am coming for you.

Is Becky Adams a legal savant?
The Question is Imponderable… until the British courts rule on this.

That's her.

That’s her.

The other question is, well, look at her face. You can figure it out.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →