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What Will I Do With All That Money?

9 Feb

February 9, 2014

I’m going to have surgery next week.

What does this mean to you?

  • Possibly less blogs
  • Possibly better blogs due to influence of painkillers
  • Probably same old same old. Sorry, fans. Maybe even more.

What does this mean to me?

  • Possibly less blogging
  • Possibly less angry letters from irate readers who love Allan Keyes
  • Lego

Lego! Yes, Lego! I decided that during my 2-3 weeks of recovery, I am going to jump into the world of Lego and build things. I’m going to start with The Palace Cinema.

pc1

pc3

Looks great, huh? I’ll be sure to post pictures of my final build, missing pieces, broken Legos and all.

But where to buy it? I am medically not allowed to drive for the next month so going to the Lego store is out of the question. I have no choice but to shop online and contribute to the collapse of brick and mortar stores. And where does America go to destroy Mom and Pop stores? Amazon. Here’s what they charge:

lego

Four cents? “You Save: $0.04”? REALLY? That’s it? FOUR CENTS? What the heck am I going to do with four freakin’ cents?

I could:

  • Uh
  • Um
  • Yeah….

So I figured I’d check out Lego.com. It is their product, their site, less overhead, so maybe I can get a better price.

pc2

Nope. Not a penny cheaper. In fact, there goes my four cents. I guess it comes down to shipping. With Amazon Prime I get free shipping. Let’s see what they charge for shipping here.

pc4

Hey, not bad!

So here’s what it comes down to:

Order from Amazon: Save 4 cents, get it faster with 2-day shipping.

Order from Lego: Pay 4 more cents, get it a couple of days later, get a free Lego.

There is no choice here: I’m ordering from Lego. Since for a couple of days after the operation I’ll be in a pain-killer fog, the extra days don’t matter. And a free Lego? Totally worth the 4 cents.

Sorry Amazon. My 2 cents says that your 4 cents isn’t enough to get me to order from you.

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Target: Me

7 Feb

February 7, 2014

According to the news, the government has been using the IRS to target it’s enemies, nearly of all of which have committed the crime of not drinking the President’s Kool-Aid. Well, I’m not sure what I did wrong. Made one too many Obamacare jokes? Offended some IRS official who looks like The Fat Guy eating a cheeseburger and took it personally? I don’t know but I was just audited. ME! Mr. Blog! Who could be less of a threat to our nation than I am? I am the Teddy Bear of Bloggers©.

auditOk, well, it wasn’t the IRS and it wasn’t the Federal Gov’t, it was the NY State Department of Taxation. (But I still blame Obama! It’s easy and trendy!) I got a thick letter in the mail telling me I owe them $81 from 2010. It was about 8 pages, 5 of which were nearly incomprehensible and 2 of which were totally incomprehensible. The other page had my name and address, which they got right. So how did they calculate that I owe $81 dollars? I have no idea. There is a chart which shows my 2008 information (consisting of amount owed:$0, amount paid:$0, penalty:$5, and balance:$0) and compared it to my 2010 information, which seemed to be filled with random numbers and Greek characters, and the final box said balance:$81. So somehow, by a seemingly random confluence of my 2008 taxes, my 2010 taxes (what happened to 2009? No idea.) and a lot of Justin Bieber’s pot, NY State figures I owe then some money.

Mayor DiBlasio made a campaign pledge to “tax the hell out of the rich for no reason” and it sure looks like he’s keeping it. (It is generally known that I am among the richest 1% of bloggers.)

I’d love to contest this but that would mean finding my 20o8 and 2010 tax returns and actually trying to read them, so maybe it’ll be easier to just pay up. The letter came with a friendly threat that I have about 10 days to pay. It would have been 30 days but the date on the letter was almost 3 weeks old. (I’m sure the Post Office was in on it too.)

So thanks a lot New York! (And you too Obama! I know your hand is in this somewhere!)  This is just another reason to move out of this overtaxed and pothole-filled working man’s nightmare.

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