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The Saturday Comics: Willie Lumpkin

9 Jul

July 9, 2011

Anyone who has read Marvel comics for any amount of time has likely run across Willie Lumpkin, senior citizen postal carrier. He has no super-powers (unless you count his ear-wiggling) yet is always in the thick of the action.

I stopped reading Marvel Comics a few years back when Joe Quesada decided to screw the fans by having Peter Parker make a deal with the devil and dissolve decades of continuity. And before you Marvel Zombies start writing me nasty comments, yes, DC is about to do the same thing and I’m dropping them too. Come September I will be following exactly one title, The Boys.

So unless Willie Lumpkin has been retconned out of existence, killed in another silly crossover aimed at the tin foil hat conspiracy brigade, or outfitted with an odd number of cybernetic arms, here are some highlights of Willie Lumpkin’s comic book career. But that doesn’t tell the whole story. You see, Willie Lumpkin has had a long career starring in a newspaper comic strip, looking quite a bit different.

Ah, Willie was so young back then. Not a Doctor Octopus or High Evolutionary in sight. And this was back in the days before “going postal” meant anything other than mailing a letter so all Willie had to put up with were frantic housewives.

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night stayed that courier from the swift completion of his appointed rounds

This version of Willie Lumpkin pre-dated his first comic book appearance by three years but only ran a single year, 1960. It was scripted by Stan Lee himself and illustrated by Dan DeCarlo, who is best known for his work on Archie Comics. 

Personally, I prefer this version better. In the comic books he’s comic relief, here he’s the comedian. Maybe I’m just a sucker for nostalgia. DeCarlo’s art gets me every time.

Late Night Movie House of Crap: George Takei for socialsecurity.gov

5 Jul

July 5, 2011

Oh myyyy!

(Imagine that in your best George Takei impression.)

I thought I’d seen it all but I should have known better when talking about Star Trek. For every really bad piece of fanfic you stumble across online there are about ten thousand more you don’t find. For every horrible USS Enterprise “technical manual” on a bookstore shelf there are a hundred more on other shelves in other bookstores, and for every dreadful, badly-produced fanboy basement Star Trek video on youtube there are millions more wasting bandwidth all over the World Wide Web. So when I stumbled across another dreadful, badly-produced fanboy basement Star Trek video, it took something really special to make me stop and take notice.

Here it is.

Yes, that is George “Mr. Sulu” Takei and formerly-relevant actress Patty Duke in really bad Starfleet uniforms (just off enough to avoid a lawsuit) doing a Star Trek parody for Social Security. When did Sulu become so high-waisted?

I thought I’d seen it all but I should have known better when talking about Star Trek.

There are even more. If you can stand it, check out http://www.youtube.com/user/SocialSecurityOnline