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The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Fully Jointed Action Kojak

10 Nov

November 10, 2012

This week The Editor’s and Staff present a new rotating Saturday feature, The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys. This does not mean that Saturday Comics is gone, it just needs a breather. Don’t worry, it will be back.

“Who loves ya, baby?” No, that’s not Mr. Blog hitting on someone at closing time, that’s the famous catch phrase of 1970’s New York’s #1 cop, Kojak:

For some reason they replaced that iconic opening with… this… generic… thing…

If you stop that last clip at the 25 second mark you see Kojak making the scene at my part of town, the Coney Island boardwalk.

Kojak was an insanely popular show. It was a tough and gritty cop show and I do mean gritty- his police station looked absolutely filthy and his assistant, Stavros, was an utter slob. Hard to believe, but this guy was Telly Savalas’ brother.

I have many early memories of myself, as a young Mr. Blog, going to sleep while the Kojak theme played from the living room tv at the other end of the apartment.

But not only was Kojak a number one cop drama, it was also a Saturday morning hit with the kids, #1 in the ages 8 to 18 demographic.

Wait? It wasn’t? Are you sure?  Then how do you explain this?

Removable costume? Would you ever want to take off that pinstripe gangster suit monstrosity? Not me.

This toy comes with a gun, lollipops, and a cigar. In 2012 none of those would make the cut. When is the last time you saw a child’s toy that promoted smoking? And while we are at it, when was the last time you saw a toy from an adult cop show directed at kids? Did Hill Street Blues have a toy line? Law and Order SVU? And did Toy “R” Us carry a line of Homicide: Life on the Street playsets?

And speaking of playsets, Kojak had one too, though I could only track down the ads, not the actual toy.

Not only do I want that set, I really want that other figure, which may be a crook, a narc, or judging from his pose in the first picture, some guy demanding Kojak’s lunch money.

The holiday season is coming up and I want that set. Really, is $8.88 too much to spend on your old pal Mr. Blog?

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Imponderable #68: Whatever Dimension Jermaine Jackson Lives In

9 Nov

November 9, 2012

Remember Jermaine Jackson’s big solo hit, um, whatever? I looked it up on wikipeida and he actually did some solo stuff, and some it seemed fairly popular, but c’mon- it’s Jermaine. He’s so useless that he’s the Tito of the Jackson Family. I could have looked him up on YouTube but I hate it when websites laugh at me.

So before we get to the Imponderable, a bit of background.
Jermaine Jackson was born Jermaine LaJuane Jackson. Yep, read it again, “Jermaine LaJuane.” Who says that Joe Jackson didn’t have a sense of humor?
At some point he converted to Islam and changed his name to Mohammad Abdul Aziz.
At this point he seems to go by both, but soon, perhaps, neither.

And now the Imponderable.

“Jacksun?”
Would “Jacksonn” have been cooler? And what about “Jaxon”? For some street cred, he could have gone for “Jaxxxon” and maybe spun a whole new career out of it, because being Jermaine Jackson doesn’t seem to be much of a career anymore, and not for a long time. Given the way the Jackson family is lining up to tear some shreds out of Michael Jackson’s fortune, I get the feeling that some of them (I’m looking at you, Rebbie) may have been pressing the soap slivers together for a long time.

Is Jermaine trying to dodge a process-server?
The question is Imponderable.

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