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Mayor Bloomberg’s Alphabet Soup

17 Feb

February 17, 2011

I tend to criticize Mayor Bloomberg quite a bit, and rightly so. For example, while addressing a group of Irish businessmen last week he started his speech with a drunken Irishman joke. As you may imagine it didn’t go over so well.

However, I do tend to give credit where credit is due. On thing he did that I like is that restaurants now have to post their ratings from the Department of Health on their front windows or doors so you can decide if you even want to go in. Of course, these big signs are right at eye level and ruin the look of the restaurant but I guess that is a small price to pay.

The problem is that you never see anything but A ratings. That means one of two things. Either every restaurant is in sparkling compliance or the inspectors are doing their usual lousy job. There is an A-rated take-out place a block away from me that has had the same greasy stains on the wall since the Clinton administration (which, ironically, also was noted for a notorious stain.) Needless to say I don’t eat there.

Seeing all those A-rated stores had me pretty jaded until I saw a store proudly displaying a B rating. OK, pride had nothing to do with it, they legally had to post that sign.

As you can see from the image above, the lowest rating, which I have yet to see, is a C. The Grade Pending sign means that the restaurant received either a B or a C and is contesting it. Here is how the City of New York explains it:

A restaurant that receives a ‘B’ or ‘C’ on its second inspection can opt to post a ‘Grade Pending’ card in the window while it waits for a hearing before an Administrative Tribunal at the Health Department.

Once the Tribunal rules on the inspection, the final score is recalculated and the restaurant must post the grade it receives.
 
In other words, if a restaurant has a ‘Grade Pending’ sign, it had enough violations to earn a ‘B’ or a ‘C’ and it is contesting the low grade.

So why would a store post a B rating? If I understand correctly, and as a product of the NYC school system I may not, that means that the restaurant got a B or a C, had the chance to fix it, and didn’t. Right away that is a warning sign. If they are so lazy that they won’t do some work to get an A, how much effort are they putting into my grilled chicken wrap?

The problem is, who knows what these ratings mean? Why did they get a B? The reason may have nothing to do with the food. If a store got a B because of a blocked fire door or not enough seating, I would still order take-out. The reason needs to be posted on the sign.

I found this article on, of all places, http://www.wqxr.org. WQXR, 105.9 fm, is New York’s classical music station.

If a restaurant fails its health inspection, you might think it had rats, mice or roaches.

But sometimes, all it takes is a bunch of seemingly minor violations involving something as simple as the scoops used to take ice cubes out of a bin.

“Ice scoops can never be kept in the ice, ever,” said Neil Kleinberg, who owns Community Food and Juice, a restaurant near Columbia University.

The rationale is if you leave the scoop in the ice machine, it’ll get buried under falling ice, and then you’d have to dig it out with your potentially dirty hands, contaminating ice cubes that could later be chilling someone’s Diet Coke.

These types of violations can add up quickly and with a new restaurant grading system on the horizon, restaurants may have to work harder to keep their doors open.

I think I would take my chances with that place. I may order my Diet Coke without ice but I’d eat there.

Kleinberg, who supports the city’s move toward a public letter grade system, took me on a tour of his 120-seat restaurant. In the basement he pointed out other Health Department rules. For example, signs reading “Employees must wash hands before returning to work” have to be on display in bathrooms, and bathroom doors must have a self-closing hinge. A bathroom door can never be left open because flies could move in and out and then contaminate your chocolate cake.

A violation for an “employees must wash hands sign” is meaningless to me. Yes, I want the employees to wash, but sign or no sign, there is no enforcement. How could there be unless they are going to post lookouts in the bathroom, and that would be more off-putting to me than the lack of sign. I don’t want a look-out in the bathroom keeping an eye on things.

As for the hinge, doesn’t the door open and close anyway whenever someone enters or exits? What fly sees the self-closing hinge and gets so intimidated that they find another bathroom to inhabit? I’d think that the fact that bathroom was dirty enough to attract flies in the first place was a bigger problem.

The bottom line is that having a little bit of information is almost as bad as having no information. So while I do commend Mayor Bloomberg for the initiative, I give him a C rating for half-assing it.

The Cockfighters

16 Feb

February 16, 2011

“No one in this world, so far as I know … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.” HL Mencken said that and to this day no one understands what it means. Why? Because the average person is stupid.

OK, I know that sounds nasty. You probably expected me to continue that last sentence with “but,” as in “OK, I know that sounds nasty but in reality…” Sorry. Not going to happen. It’s that kind of blog.

I may be cynical but I believe that I come by that cynicism honestly. The average man does stupid things. Just look at any seasonal news stories. Thanksgiving: Man dies from burns received when attempting to flash-fry a turkey in an oil drum. Fourth of July: Man attempts to start a barbeque by tossing gasoline on his grill and dies of third degree burns. And the worst burn of all: Valentine’s Day: Man gets married.

And then there are sporting events. I am not knocking the sport of boxing, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? Neither am I knocking hockey, but what sane man would voluntarily compete in a sport where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? And soccer? What sane man would compete in a sport where the sound of vuvuzela’s drive you out of your friggin’ head? My God, it was bad enough listening to that crap on TV, but to have to be in the stadium while thousands of people blow those cheap plastic Happy Meal horns so loud that you can’t hear yourself tell them to shove those horns up there asses? And yeah, what sane man would voluntarily compete in an event where there is the likelihood of repeated intentional blows to the head? That soccer ball has to hurt.

Perhaps this may be a good time to warn you that this blog may contain a bit of salty language and slight sexual innuendo. How can I avoid it when the main topic is cockfighting?

I will now pause while you snigger and get it all out of your system. Go ahead, laugh. After all, we’re talking about cockfights. BTW- you may want to be careful when you type that into your search engine.

Also, while it may be factually and linguistically correct to refer to the fighting birds as “cocks,” I am going to stick with the much safer word “roosters.” If you need an explanation then the internet is not for you.

According to wikipedia, proved accurate a mere 23% of the time, “The combatants, aptly referred to as gamecocks, are specially bred birds, conditioned for increased stamina and strength. The comb and wattle are cut off in order to meet show standards of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club.”

Well yeah, but no. See, that assumes that you are following international cockfighting rules, which you can’t in America or Europe. It is illegal to stage cockfights in those parts of the world. But of course it goes on, in cellars and basements, in Michael Vick’s house, in the back of bars, really, anywhere out of the view of the American Gamefowl Society and the Old English Game Club. And trust me, those people running the fights do not play by the rules.

For example, what wiki fails to mention is that some people are stupid enough to attach weapons to the bird’s feet. Whoever thought it was a good idea to strap a knife to a rooster’s foot?

Apparently Jose Luis Ochoa did.

It is hard to have faith in your fellow man when you read stuff like that. The Wide World of Sports really needs to make him their agony of defeat guy.

Speaking of sports, we need some balls. Harry Baals.

The Harry Baals building. I hear the Harry Baals building has a really short elevator shaft, if you know what I mean. (Yeah, well, that’s why I’m not writing porn.)

The Deputy Mayor is right. Once you name that building after Hairy, uh, Harry Baals you are going to get no end of attention, just not the kind you’d like. Look no further than Beavis and Butthead for proof. (Remember how this blog started, people are stupid? I’m still on point.) I can’t link to it because there is no good copy on youtube, but remember how they tortured Harry Sachz? For Wayne doesn’t need that. If this were Detroit I’d say go for it, but what has Fort Wayne done to you?

PT Barnum once said “We are all, no doubt, born for a wise purpose.” After reading these stories, I prefer this quote often attributed to Alexander Hamilton: “The masses are asses.”