Archive | fine dining RSS feed for this section

What was it?

16 Jul

July 16, 2013

I ate in this great Chinese Mexican place this weekend. The décor was very authentic odd, and strangely, the restaurant was Kosher Halal didn’t serve pork.

So what’s going on here?

I’m not sure. The place had a Mexican-style name that I am totally sure was 100% inauthentic. It was along the lines of Quetzalcoatltitio Mexican Grill. The manager/owner/hostess was Chinese, as was the waitress and, as far as I could tell, the kitchen staff.  The window proclaimed that they do not serve or cook pork yet when asked, the hostess explained that they were not kosher or halal, they just cater to people who do not like pork. (As far as I know, those people who make an issue of pork in their food are usually kosher or halal.) The restaurant was decorated with Mexican designs and things like serapes and Mexican tile, yet also with large party streamers hanging from the ceiling, each with a Thomas the Tank Engine character hanging from it. On the wall was a huge poster of Thomas wishing you a happy ninth birthday. Thing is though, they all seemed to have been up for a long time. They were not new

The hostess (and if my girlfriend ask you I never said this) had very large breasts pressed together and spilling out of her top, and she drew (even more)attention to them by wearing the largest jade pendant I have ever seen. It was about the size and shape of a deck of playing cards. My girlfriend works in the area and the hostess pretended to recognize her, and in turn my girlfriend pretended to recognize the hostess. It was very surreal.

So I am not sure what this place really was but the food was very good.

 

tomflag

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Mad Toilet Bomber

10 Jul

July 10, 2013

I’m warning you, this post is gross and if you do not want to read about the disgusting things a disgusting person has been doing in the bathrooms in my office I suggest you go elsewhere. It’s a dirty story of a dirty man and I will- I must- be graphic.

May I suggest that this might be a good time to check out some pornography? If statistics are any indication, the average internet viewer is about to do just that.

Anyway, The Company I Am employed by is very professional. I work in a very professional office building in a very professional part of Long Island. I am on the top floor of that very professional office building, which is the part occupied by the most professional professionals. The top executives (of which I am not one, not even close) have their offices. Yet what has been going on in the very professional bathrooms is blatantly not professional. It is fucking disgusting. (Pardon my unprofessional French.)

Pretty much your standard bathroom, but WATCH OUT!

Pretty much your standard bathroom, but WATCH OUT!

For weeks, at various times of the day, I have entered the bathroom only to find that one of the stalls- and it can be any stall- has been rendered unusable by a very disgusting person. And when I say “unusable,” I do not mean that it is dirty or in any way describable by normal human standards. I mean that even a hyena in severe gastric distress would think twice before vomiting there. And this is the worst part- I am totally convinced that it is intentional.

If you wanted to render a toilet unusable, short of taking a sledgehammer and bludgeoning it into little porcelain shards, there is no more effective way of doing it than what this guy has been doing. Now bear in mind, I never took a long look at this, never had more than a quick glance as I passed by the offending stall, but even a fleeting glimpse was enough to burn it into my brain.

Plus it stunk to high heaven. Whoever is doing this must have some awful gastrointestinal issues.

First, this guy stuffs as much toilet paper as he can into the toilet, blocking it and stuffing it up. Then he takes the most unholy of all dumps right on top of it. If you are sticking with me this far, this next description probably won’t repulse you too much. What this man does on top of the toilet paper looks like he has taken hard, dry dog food- the lumpy kind- mixed it with water so that it made its own gravy and pours it almost to the very top of the bowl. If that came out of his bowels than I can only assume that he has very little time left to live.

Dry Water - Dog Formula

I’ve encountered this four or five times in the past couple of weeks. The only mystery is why the automatic toilets have not flushed. If they did, that gross crap would be all over the bathroom.

Does this guy have a beef with the janitor? And if this is not intentional, why isn’t this guy under strict medical care, or at least flushing more as he sits and shits?

This is easily the most disgusting thing I have seen in the bathroom, including the former coworker who used to stand at the urinal naked.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →