The Mad Toilet Bomber

10 Jul

July 10, 2013

I’m warning you, this post is gross and if you do not want to read about the disgusting things a disgusting person has been doing in the bathrooms in my office I suggest you go elsewhere. It’s a dirty story of a dirty man and I will- I must- be graphic.

May I suggest that this might be a good time to check out some pornography? If statistics are any indication, the average internet viewer is about to do just that.

Anyway, The Company I Am employed by is very professional. I work in a very professional office building in a very professional part of Long Island. I am on the top floor of that very professional office building, which is the part occupied by the most professional professionals. The top executives (of which I am not one, not even close) have their offices. Yet what has been going on in the very professional bathrooms is blatantly not professional. It is fucking disgusting. (Pardon my unprofessional French.)

Pretty much your standard bathroom, but WATCH OUT!

Pretty much your standard bathroom, but WATCH OUT!

For weeks, at various times of the day, I have entered the bathroom only to find that one of the stalls- and it can be any stall- has been rendered unusable by a very disgusting person. And when I say “unusable,” I do not mean that it is dirty or in any way describable by normal human standards. I mean that even a hyena in severe gastric distress would think twice before vomiting there. And this is the worst part- I am totally convinced that it is intentional.

If you wanted to render a toilet unusable, short of taking a sledgehammer and bludgeoning it into little porcelain shards, there is no more effective way of doing it than what this guy has been doing. Now bear in mind, I never took a long look at this, never had more than a quick glance as I passed by the offending stall, but even a fleeting glimpse was enough to burn it into my brain.

Plus it stunk to high heaven. Whoever is doing this must have some awful gastrointestinal issues.

First, this guy stuffs as much toilet paper as he can into the toilet, blocking it and stuffing it up. Then he takes the most unholy of all dumps right on top of it. If you are sticking with me this far, this next description probably won’t repulse you too much. What this man does on top of the toilet paper looks like he has taken hard, dry dog food- the lumpy kind- mixed it with water so that it made its own gravy and pours it almost to the very top of the bowl. If that came out of his bowels than I can only assume that he has very little time left to live.

Dry Water - Dog Formula

I’ve encountered this four or five times in the past couple of weeks. The only mystery is why the automatic toilets have not flushed. If they did, that gross crap would be all over the bathroom.

Does this guy have a beef with the janitor? And if this is not intentional, why isn’t this guy under strict medical care, or at least flushing more as he sits and shits?

This is easily the most disgusting thing I have seen in the bathroom, including the former coworker who used to stand at the urinal naked.

6 Responses to “The Mad Toilet Bomber”

  1. T E Stazyk July 10, 2013 at 12:21 am #

    That is disgusting.

    One time I was flying back here via Tahiti. I was sitting a couple of rows back from the middle bank of toilets. This huge guy who could barely fit in used one of them and was in for an awfully long time. When he finally came out, I noticed some commotion around the toilets with people who wanted to use it opening the door and then going away. Finally one of the flight attendants came along. Pretty soon there was an impromptu conference of flight attendants around the door and it got fairly heated, but it was in French so I couldn’t tell what they were talking about. A few minutes later one of them produced an hastily lettered “out of order” sign in French and English. I don’t want to think about what that guy did to the toilet.


  2. Mac of BIOnighT July 10, 2013 at 6:09 pm #

    I wonder if it is a live performance or he brings it from home…


    • T E Stazyk July 10, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

      Or maybe performance art?


      • Mac of BIOnighT July 11, 2013 at 12:34 am #

        😀 To tell the truth, I think the guy is making a statement. I mean, that’s clearly a commentary on today’s society, and a pretty sharp one at that. Too bad such brilliant minds are always misunderstood.



        • T E Stazyk July 11, 2013 at 2:38 am #

          I totally concur. The problem is that his mind operates at such a sublime level that we can’t fully comprehend the magnanimousness of his ouvre. Well, the only solace is that he isn’t the only genius whose work has been called shit and flushed down the toilet of ignorance.


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