What? The pair of reruns this week didn’t give you a clue? Sheesh, take a brain cell out of petty cash, ok?
Anyway, I have writer’s block, and if you doubted it before that lousy brain cell zinger should be all the proof you need. So I went back to the list ofodd writing prompts I found online and picked one at random.
Are we alone?(Tufts, 2009)
And for that Tufts charges about a bazillion dollars admission. Anyway, here we go.
Are We Alone?
Are we alone? How should I know? I have no idea who you are or where you are or what you’re doing or even if you are doing it without pants. If you have a secret to tell me and you don’t want anyone around to know it, just back off. I’m not interested.
I hate that question. “Are we alone?” It conjures up images of creepy uncles I won’t talk to any more, strange old men with lotion on their palms, restraining orders, and other memories I work hard to suppress every single day of my life, thank you very much. “Are we alone?” I sure as hell hope we are not.
It’s those dog days of summer, and when I think of dogs I think of Allan Keyes. Here is another of my favorites from the Keyes Kollection.
from October 15, 2012
Hi everyone! Sorry I had no content for you the other week. (Or, given the state of my drivel, maybe it should be “you’re welcome”) I was too engrossed in my fantasy baseball playoff finals to write. Seriously. Anyone out there play fantasy baseball? If yes, you’ll be familiar with this. Getting into the finals are a chore, I was leading my opponent pretty good but then the guy decided to stream pitcher after pitcher and I had to match otherwise I’d basically give up several categories without a fight. But that takes lots of research, making sure I pick up good pitchers, etc. And believe me, I didn’t invest $200 and 7 months of my life so I could lose in the finals to a guy who names his team “The Farts”. Seriously. During the season when he won a weekly matchup he’d post the same obnoxious message in the forum “YOU JUST GAWT FARRRRRRTED ON!” The amount of “Rs” in the word fart depended on how badly he beat you. Seriously again. So rather than have to listen to that, I spent an entire week+ researching 3rd-tier starting pitchers with names like Erasmo Ramirez http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/31983/erasmo-ramirez and Esmerling Vazquez. http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/stats/_/id/29996/esmerling-vasquezYes, it was much fun as it sounded like.
Anyway, yes I DID win, thanks for asking. The message I posted for “The Farts” was much too graphic and scatological to go into here. The good news is now I only have to spend Sundays watching NFL RedZone to see how my fantasy football teams did. (RG3 BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!)
Yeah, I’m both a degenerate gambler and a nerd. That’s the fantasy sports demo in a nutshell. Now onto this week’s stuff!
Check out this 30 seconds of hilarity:
I see this commercial every evening on my local station and I gotta say…….HELL YEAH I’D HIRE THIS GUY FOR MY KID’S PARTY!!!! Well, I would actually only if I was divorced and wanted to endlessly piss off the ex by hiring this epic fail clown for the worst kids party evah.
I mean, look, here’s a video of “Uncle Majic” that he posted HIMSELF. So it’s his own fault really. Note the crying birthday girl:
WHY IS HE YELLING AT THOSE KIDS SO MUCH?? It’s like having a birthday party with R. Lee Ermey as the entertainment. And where’s “Uncle Majic” anyway? It’s just some dude in a sweater. It’s like paying to see a Madea movie and only seeing Tyler Perry.
The costume certainly does matter. Heck, if I actually shelled out for this guy part of the reason would be expressly to see him in that awfuk outfit. (Not “awful,” “awfuk.” Try it, you’ll like it. – Mr. BTR)(Thanks for not correcting my typos. – AK) Now the gentleman in question certainly does have magic (or should I say “majic”) skills – my only magic trick is making a giant Italian hoagie disappear in short order – but I’m not sure I’d have him come yell at my kids and make my birthday child cry. But hey, the hip hop magician has got to be better than the Egytpian Magician:
PS- When searching “Uncle Majic” on google, I came across this one:
God I love/despise the internets!!!!!!
Mr. BTR here. I love Uncle Majic. If I were having a party I’d invite him just so I could heap abuse on him. But I do admire the guy. He is always on and always in character, even if his only audience is the bored guy at the car wash who couldn’t give a crap about the Hip-Hop Magician. This guy’s life is bad enough, washing cars in the middle of the night; he has to put up with this too?
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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