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Grandpa, No! Classic Japan Repost

10 May

May 10, 2012

This is the last, and most disturbing, of my Japan-themed blogs. This one has gotten me a lot of hits from search engines. Frankly that scares me.

From November 17, 2010

I’ve been mining News of the Weird pretty hard lately. Why? It keeps me from writing about reality TV. Of course, “Noots” is always good for a laugh, and if I see an Asian Paul Teutul I’ll post the picture, but on the whole, I think Shakespeare said it best in Hamlet:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

In other words, no matter what stupidity you see on TV, the real world can always beat it for shear ridiculousness. I wonder what The Bard would think of Jersey Shore?

So here is today’s news nugget. I warn you, this one is uncomfortable.

About 20 percent of Japan‘s adult-video market is now “elder porn” with each production featuring one or more studly seniors and Shigeo Tokuda, 76, among the most popular. He told Toronto‘s Globe and Mail in October that he still “performs” physically “without Viagra,” in at least one role a month opposite much younger women. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career (which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his “pervert’s face”). Tokuda figures the “elder porn” genre will grow with Japan‘s increasing senior population. [Globe and Mail, 10-3-10]

Sigh.

Take a  break, drink a glass of water, I’ll wait.

Anyway, here he is, in one of the only pictures I feel even remotely comfortable posting.

The article claims he was hired for his “pervert’s face.” In Japan that gets you a job in porn. In America that gets you on the sexual predator list.

This is just a small, albeit gross, example, of the problem with health care: there’s too much of it. It’s too good. People are healthier and living longer, and this is the result.

More uncomfortable information from wikipedia. which is nearing the five-hundredth correct entry mark:

Male actors are usually anonymous in Japanese porn but Tokuda is now featured in his own branded series of videos for Ruby with actresses of various ages. Another studio specializing in elder porn is Glory Quest which launched the “old manseries Maniac Training of Lolitas in December 2004 and when that became popular, had Tokuda star with a variety of young AV actresses in the Forbidden Elderly Care (Forbidden Nursing) series beginning in August 2006. An additional series Big Tits Loving Grandfather Erotic Mischief* for Glory Quest began in April 2008. Not all of Tokuda’s roles involve sex and he enjoys acting different roles. He has said he hopes to be able to continue working in adult videos until he is 80 (with a laugh).

*isn’t that title a bit long for this sort of thing?

If you’ve stuck around this long without clicking away to something that doesn’t make you feel skeevy, you may be wondering how his family feels about all of this.

The 5 foot 3 inch slightly paunchy former “salaryman” is married with two children and a grandson. He says his wife of 45 years suspects he plays some role in the porn industry but doesn’t ask any questions and he has kept his “star” status a secret.

How? He’s been in over 350 of those things. He must have a Clark Kent thing going on.

TOKUDA: (to himself) Oh no! It is almost time to film another porn!
(to wife) I’m going out for the paper and some milk.

                   (takes off his glasses, takes out his loincloth.)
WIFE: OK, enjoy your walk.
(pause)
WIFE: How come I never see Tokuda and Big Tits Loving Grandfather in the same place? Oh well, time to fire up the DVD player.

Japan is a country of 127,360,000people. They have a life expectancy rate of 81.25 years and about 20% of the population is over 65 years old. This was bound to happen.

American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: Malaysian Adventure

7 May

May 7, 2012

Tonight we get to see Senior in a dress.

MALAYSIAN ADVENTURE
Senior, Jason, Jim and Steve travel to Malaysia, where they not only unveil their latest bike, but also encounter wildlife, swim under waterfalls and barter at the central market.

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm but the show began with future OCC boss Jason Pohl taking us through the process of making the bike. Because he had so much to do with the fabrication and he knows all about how to build a bike, every step of the process. That’s it, right? Right?

So while we eagerly await seeing the OCC crew swim in a lake and look at trees, Mikey went to Paulie to tell him that he wants to quit the show. He’s doing it because he thinks it will help his relationship with his father. Will it? Doubtful. then Paulie reports to his wife, as usual.

So what happens in Malaysia?
The OCC crew ride a bus and look out the window!
Senior says he needs a nap!
They walk through the lobby of a hotel!
Commercial break! WOW, this looks great! Seriously, had this show not jumped the shark a dozen times over this would be it.

Jason: “Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys near the car! Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys!” That is an exact quote.

They ride scooters! On the other side of the road!
They handle tame snakes!

And I am not making a joke, this is real, at about 9:15 there is a kid in a clown suit who looks just like Obama. Seriously, I’m not getting political, the kid looked just like him.

They hike up a mountain!
They look at a waterfall! Why am I still watching this?
They take off their shirts and swim!
They look at fish. (Jason: “Look at these fish!”)
Jim bites off Jason’s sleeves! (You had to see it.)
They ride a boat!
Jason makes up a song: “There’s a monkey in the boat, a monkey in the boat, a monkey in the boat, hi ho a monkey in the boat.” Then a monkey took a dump on Jason’s seat and Jason threw the feces back at the monkey. NOTE TO READERS: INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE.
They pet stingrays! Big deal. I did that at the Coney Island Aquarium when I was four. (Jason: “Let’s set them free!” Senior: “Stop being stupid.”)
They put a horse shoe crab on Jim’s head!
They ride on more boats!
They ride a cable car! Is this over yet?
Jason misspelled his own name! “JASN.” Are you nothing a pattern here? Senior: “I don’t know if he’s suffering from lack of oxygen ’cause most o  the time he hasn’t made any sense.”
They shop at a local market!

And oh yeah, they unveil the bike.

THE HIGHLIGHT! Senior puts on a dress, a nice black and purple floral number. ANYONE HAVE A SCREEN CAP? SEND IT TO ME!

NEXT WEEK:
CHANGE OF HEART May 14, 2012
PJD starts a build for Skill Tools while OCC begins a bike based on an Italian sports car. Then Junior makes a huge decision that could finally end his estrangement from Senior once and for all.