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Archive | April, 2015

Workplace Logic Update: Close The Door!

28 Apr

April 28, 2015

Last week I told you about the drama, stupidity, and more stupidity surrounding a smashed open vending machine at The Company I Am Employed by at this moment. In a nutshell: Instead of fixing a broken candy machine, my company installed a surveillance camera and fired anyone who stole a Kit Kat bar. (Although it didn’t have to be a Kit Kat bar. You could fired for stealing M+M’s too.) This went on for a week. NOTE: They left the jagged glass shards in place as, I can only assume, a theft deterrent. And why not? It isn’t like jagged glass shards pose a safety hazard to the rest of the staff. 

Well, the machine has been fixed and restocked, and the prices were, amazingly, not raised. No need to. A small bag of Doritos already costs $1.10. Raising prices even higher is something only a cable company would do. 

However, my company has taken steps to prevent future vandalism.

1- They closed the door to the pantry where the machines are located.
2- They put up this sign: “Please keep this door closed to prevent entry by non-company personnel.”

stock-vector-keep-out-sign-warning-prohibition-sign-vector-146145179

This is not the sign. The real sign was block printed on a sheet of white paper.

So I guess they concluded that an employee or employees of another company in the building smashed and looted the machine. OK, that’s all well and good. There’s only one problem with the new closed-door policy.

The door is closed but not locked. Anyone can get in by simply… opening the door!

But by gosh! This company sure has addressed the issue! And golly, do I feel better!

Meanwhile, the door was left open most of the day, and still open when I went home.

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Chiller Theatre April 2015: Black Ink and Colorful People

27 Apr

April 27, 2015

I went to the Chiller Theatre Convention this past weekend and as always, a good time was had by all. There were plenty of celebrities. I got my picture taken with Gilbert Gottfried, and he autographed a Dracula Gottfried picture for me.

Dracula Gottfried

You may remember Dracula Gottfried from this blog post.

The interesting thing was, for a guy known so much for his voice, I don’t think I heard him speak to anyone.

I also had my picture taken with Gavin “Captain Stubing from the Love Boat” MacLeod, and yes, he was wearing his captain’s hat. That man knows which side his bread is buttered on.

crop merrill

Along with movie and TV stars, and also a few people you aren’t quite sure how to categorize (AKA The Guy Who Played Chaka The Ape Boy On Land Of The Lost), there were a lot of wrestlers. This is normal for Chiller, and leads me into my biannual Greg “The Hammer” Valentine update. I’ve been doing this since 2012, when he looked like this:

It became a legend that his leathery, almost baseball glove-like face never, ever changed. In fact, he almost never seemed to move. Here he is last year:

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

And here he is all the shows in between:

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

So what did he look like this year?

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

I don’t know. He wasn’t there. This was quite a big blow to me, not because I actually wanted to see him, but because I wanted to see how many years I could keep this joke running. 2012 – 2015. Not bad.

But softening the blow was the fact that Jake “The Snake” Roberts was here this year, and trust me, he didn’t move much either. However, I hope he shows up next year, and you’ll see why in a second. He’s going to replace Greg Valentine as the new running Chiller joke, and it is all because of his mustache.

Here’s how he was advertised on the Chiller site:

grey jake

And here’s how he looked in person.

black jake

That mustache has been dyed to within an inch of its life. In fact, the only thing there to rival Jake’s mustache was Anson William’s hair. Yes, Potsie from Happy Days. His head looked like he had just dunked it in a vat of ink. Sorry there’s no picture, I couldn’t stop staring and lost my senses.

Also there were The Dudley Boys, Bubba Ray and Devon. Immediately after I shot this picture, Bubba Ray shot me a glare that would have scared Andre the Giant. I think he was upset that I took his picture without buying anything. Sorry Bubba.

crop dudleys

I bought a cool Chiller T-shirt and some old paperbacks, and generally had a great time. There was a guy walking around in the creepiest scarecrow costume I’ve seen, and I have no idea if he paid to get in or just walked in like he belonged there. I wouldn’t ask him for a ticket if I was at the desk.

crop scarecrow

I’m already looking forward to October.

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