Archive | July, 2013

Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: The Pet Rock

13 Jul

July 13, 2013

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pet rock

The Pet Rock was either a terrible toy or the most genius idea ever made. What a great pet! You do not have to walk it, feed it, clean it, take it to the vet, pick up its poop, or even look at it. And in return? Paint it, dress it up, do what you will and it will never complain, let alone bark, meow, grunt, or make any noise related to any living organism, ever. It will never run away, make any noise, or in any way remind you that it exists. And what do you get in return? Pure, pure love.

It’s a rock!

What a great business that was. Rocks cost nothing to make and they are all over the place. Talk about your infinitely renewable resource.

This was a huge fad back in the 70’s, but then again, so was Richard Nixon and Viet Nam.

So what happened to all those rocks when the Pet Rock fad died? They were painted green and sold as Kryptonite.

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I have to guess that the only reason a kid would buy one of these was to lock it in a lead lined box so that Superman could never come in contact with it and lose all his powers.

What’s next for the Pet Rock? CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT!

Coming Soon: Mr. Blog’s Tepid Rock! Just in time for Christmas!

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Imponderable #100: The Swimming Pool

12 Jul

July 12, 2013

In honor of the 100th Imponderable (a feat which I, with my short attention span and chronic laziness, never thought I would reach), I present this week a double helping of only in the summer Imponderables.

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This is a teen movie come to life. Think about it- you are all alone and a woman wants to swim, totally naked, in your pool while her husband is gone. Who is going to say no? Unless the woman is built like Roseanne Barr, no one would. So she swam around for 20 minutes, during which the man had about a million fantasies run through his head, and wham bam, long story short, no one should be surprised that his house was robbed. What could be a better distraction?

Try a small inflatable raft.

raft

Jeez Louise! An inflatable rubber raft, in public, on multiple occasions. It has to be love. Edwin Tobergta, Raft F*cker and Rosie the Raft, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G.

Or worse.

What is wrong with this nutjob?
The question is Imponderable.

A RAFT?????

Summer is the cruelest season. These crimes would never have happened in the freezing winter.

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