Archive | January, 2012

The Saturday Comics: Marmaduke

21 Jan

January 21, 2012

Marmaduke needs no introduction. No, scratch that, Marmaduke doesn’t deserve one. Marmaduke ranks high in the pantheon of the Great Unfunny Comic Strips. Top of that list? The Family Circus. But while Family Circus can at least claim to be a look at the human condition through the eyes of children, Marmaduke is simply an unfunny strip about a gangly dog.

Let’s take a look at some Marmaduke “comics” and see if we can find a shred of humor in them.

Ha! HA HA HA! Because dogs eat garbage! HA HA HA!

Here’s that wacky mother again! She’s running, get it? Because dogs bark when they are hungry! HA HA HA HA HA!

Now the kids are bringing the funny! They hung a bone around Marmaduke’s neck and called it bling! Yeah! Those white kids are so ghetto! Oh yeah!

Oh, that’s cute and funny! Marmaduke sees a woman carrying little dog and he wants to be carried too BUT HE’S TOO BIG! HAHAHAHAHA!

OK, now THAT’S funny! Marmaduke is screwing the guy on the sidewalk while the perverted little kid looks on- see the nasty grin on his face? He knows the score!

See? That’s all it takes for Marmaduke to be funny: hardcore bestiality and corruption of a minor. Now if only there were more panels like this. Then maybe Marmaduke would be pulled from the paper.

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Imponderable #32: Montcalm County Michigan

20 Jan

January 20, 2012

Quick story: Frequent contributor and friend of the blog Mr. Allan Keyes manages a large staff in a large company. His staff took part in a larger meeting which dealt with certain issues about the office environment. At the end of the session the floor was opened to suggestions about improvements and, in a moment that he has yet to live down, one of his key staff members stood up and with great seriousness asked the chief executives for a soft ice cream machine for the break room. Worse, she proceeded to explain her reasons. (“Makes people happy, and happy people work harder” topped the list.)

And now, The Imponderable:

“The machine could be useful at the scene of a large fire.”
“The machine was capable of making ice packs.”

SHUT UP! IT IS A SNOW CONE MACHINE!

“I don’t like the term snow cone machine, because it sounds horrible. When you look at it as an ice shaving machine and its purpose it makes a little more sense.”

No it doesn’t. Its purpose is to make snow cones! You know why it sounds horrible? BECAUSE IT IS HORRIBLE!

Is this thing going to save our country from terrorism?

The question is Imponderable.

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