Archive | December, 2011

Imponderable #29: The LL Bean Catalogue.

30 Dec

December 30, 2011

I have previously taken a stand against “toys” that are nothing more than a sad parody of what toys should be. For example, in my blog “Birth of The Office Drone” I described in excruciating detail how some people think so little of children that they need to give them a toy that is an exact replica of an adult’s briefcase and contents (like name badge and cell phone- what fun) instead of letting the children make their own pretend items out of household goods and their own imagination.

I found this in the LL Bean catalogue. I HATE this toy. LL Bean is guilty of neutering childhood. This toy is killing my youth.

What child can’t make a snowman? What child needs a pre-made snowman kit? Building a snowman is one of the last wholesome winter activities left that is all imagination and adult-free. Or at least it was.

Fake buttons, wooden antlers, and a phony carrot nose. What about finding real buttons around the house? Antlers made out of branches? A real carrot? And worse, this kit says to the child “this is how you make a snowman.” Oh yeah? Well I want my snowman to have a Mets cap and a wooden pipe. You’ll find neither of those in this kit, and I bet that no kit would dare to be so politically incorrect as to include a pipe.

Is it really that hard to find things to stick on a snowman?

What galls me even more is that warning. “Should only be handled or used with adult supervision.” WHY? Is there jagged glass included in the set? LL Bean is taking away the magic and joy from childhood. But I can’t only blame them. I have to blame the idiotic consumers who bought every last one. Yes, this item is sold out.

7 reviews all glowing, a 5-star rating.

I weep for the youth of the world.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found.
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around.

Nowhere does it mention pre-made snowman parts from the LL Bean catalogue.

What is going to happen to the children of the world when every last shred of imagination is forced out of them? Who wants to raise a generation of kids who can’t build their own snowman?

The question is Imponderable.

And I am afraid.

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Christmas In Heaven

28 Dec

December 29, 2011

I need to tell you upfront that this is not about religion. While the following post will touch on religion it is not a central part of the story. It is just sort of there. So before you go in, if you are the type to be easily offended, turn off that part of your brain.

This is, at the core, a sad story. It was told to me secondhand by frequent contributor and distinguished scholar Allan Keyes but it is one that has happened to millions of people, possibly even those you know. As I said, it is a sad story.

Mr. Keyes was sitting in a restaurant when he overheard a conversation between two people at the next table. They were talking about a friend of theirs who had tragically lost her baby. A horror at any time, the woman was taking it even harder due to the looming holiday season. The couple at the table had, among other things, bought her a card to console her. It was a “Baby’s First Christmas in Heaven” card. They thought it would cheer her up so much that the woman would, and I quote, “frame it and put it on her wall.”

While on the surface a card like that may seem a bit ghoulish, when written well it can bring some measure of consolation to the person getting it. Here is a sample found online of what I think is a good verse:

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

A poem like that could give a measure of comfort to a grieving parent.

But it has to be done right.

I found this bit of poetry online.

~Christmas In Heaven~

In Loving Memory of all who are spending their first Christmas in Heaven

I’ve had my first Christmas in Heaven;
A glorious, wonderful day!
I stood with the saints of the ages.
Who found Christ the Truth and the Way.

We sang the glad songs of redemption,
How Jesus to Bethlehem came,
And how they called His name Jesus,
That all might be saved through His name.

Oh darling, I wish you had been here;
No Christmas on earth could compare
With all the rapture and glory
We witnessed in Heaven so fair.

You know how I always loved Christmas;
It seemed such a wonderful day,
With all of my loved ones around me,
The children so happy at play.

Yes, now I see why I loved it;
And, oh, what a joy it will be
When you and my loved ones are with me,
To share in the glories I see.

So dear ones on earth, here’s my greeting;
Look up “till the Day Star appears,
And oh, what a Christmas awaits us,
Beyond all our partings and tears!

~written by A.S. Reitz 

Something in those lines caught my eye. Did it catch yours?
Read these lines again.

Oh darling, I wish you had been here

And

And, oh, what a joy it will be
When you and my loved ones are with me

In other words, “I wish you were with me up here in Heaven. Things will be so great when you get here.”

Catch it yet?

The narrator of the poem is saying “I wish you were dead too. I can’t wait for you to die.”

It continues.

And oh, what a Christmas awaits us,
Beyond all our partings and tears!

Wow, he makes Christmas in heaven sound so good that maybe I should jump in front of a truck and get there right now! Maybe I’m nuts, but if you reread the poem’s last two verses, isn’t the narrator implying that the loved ones should hurry up and die already? That is a dangerous message to send a grieving parent.

I fail to see any comfort in that poem.

Merry Christmas! Now Drop Dead! Isn’t that what the season is all about?

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