Baby (Ass) Wipes

20 Jun

June 20, 2011

Regular readers of this blog (you know who you are, don’t try to deny it) know that I am a frequent reader and aficionado of News  of the Weird and its clone, Weird News. (Oddly, neither has done a cloning story in a while. But I digress.)

A lot of the stories are funny, some make you shake your head in disbelief, and a few are just plain scary. The following story is one that does all three. and even worse, it was reported in a lot of large media outlets. (I don’t say “better” outlets, because, let’s face it, I trust News of the Weird a lot more than the pompous Wolf Blitzer and his CNN cronies. Ever see Jack Cafferty? His sole job on CNN is to read people’s email and act all cranky while insulting Republicans. CNN could save a lot of money by letting Sean Penn read the email. He does the rest for free.)

Do you know about The Adult Baby?

Where to start?

I’ll start with the thought that is uppermost in my mind, paragraph by paragraph.


We’ve got a 350 pound blivet who wears diapers, uses a baby bottle, and sleeps in a giant crib? On the face of it, the guy is clearly disabled. He has to have some mental disorder. No, scratch that, clearly the guy is nuts. He doesn’t deserve SSI benefits, he deserves the rubber room.


That old sack of baleen and ambergris isn’t his mother, she’s his roommate? She treats him like he’s a baby and puts up with that shit? OK, SHE’S the nut.


He knows enough to act normal in public, he builds his own fat adult baby furniture, he drives, and runs an internet support group? This guy is not nuts, he is a freak with a bizarre fetish. Well, he is nuts, but not in any clinical way. He’s nuts in the likes to wear diapers and make poopie way. He’s functional, so he should be working.

Sen. Coburn is absolutely right. This guy needs to get his shit together (and out of his diaper) and get a job and repay all the money we’ve given him. If I lived in Oklahoma I’d vote for the guy. Then I’d move out of Oklahoma.

But wait, there’s more. Let’s hear his side of the story.

Continuing, paragraph by paragraph:

4 and 5- He threatened to kill himself if his benefits were taken away. I say take them away. He’s not killing himself. This turd knows just what he’s doing.

6- He is an able-bodied 30-year old man and she attends his needs? SHE IS THE NUT! If the previous paragraphs with the death threats did nothing else, it showed that the Adult Baby is intelligent and knows what he is doing. He can think logically. And he can’t work from home in his diaper?

7- Legitimately disabled or not, I don’t think I want my tax money to subsidize  his woodworking hobby. And if the furniture can’t support his weight, hey fatty- go on a diet!

8- Lifestyle? Lifestyle? This is what is wrong with the world in a single word: “Lifestyle.” Living like a 30-year-old infant is not a “lifestyle,” it is insane. We are legitimizing it by calling it a lifestyle. This doesn’t need legitimizing, this needs demonizing. Am I intolerant? No. (OK, yes, but this is different.) We are a world of enablers. Why are we enabling this?

9- Again, the Senator is correct.

10-“Trauma from childhood abuse.” I don’t want to seem to be trivializing this. I know that it is a very real problem for a great many people. You know what those people do? THEY GET HELP. They don’t retreat into infancy and find consolation in the flabby arms of a second mother. (You may be wondering if I think that this is any worse than drinking or drugs. I say it is.)

11- His website only requires four hours a month? Get out of here! Mr. Blog’s Tepid Timewaster takes me four hours a day just to come up with a topic. Typing this post took an hour.

So out of a morbid sense of curiosity, and against my much better judgment, I went to he Adult Baby’s website.  (Don’t worry, I browsed in-private, deleted all my cookies, and disinfected my computer. And I am still sure I am on some awful FBI list now.)

UGH. I hope you’re happy now. Seeing how crappy and badly written it is, I can almost believe he only spent four hours on it.

12- He said his craftsman skills were overstated because he only drilled six holes on camera and the chair was pre-made the day before. Um, but wasn’t he guy who did it? So who cares when it was made, he made it.

I would like to end with a personal message to The Adult Baby. I hope that, in some way, perhaps we can find some common ground, that I may help you adjust to life in big boy pants, that someday you can join the rest of the non-diapered world. I leave you with these words: goo goo, ga ga, gurgle gurgle goo.

14 Responses to “Baby (Ass) Wipes”

  1. bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 12:04 am #

    This is the post that for one reason or another got pushed back again and again and again. (Maybe you can see why.) At any rate, if you loved it or hated it, the week is all uphill from here. It is a particularly solid Tues-Friday this week.


    • Daniel June 20, 2011 at 12:36 am #

      Carbon – based life – forms are completely crazy – ass WEIRD ! That’s why I seriously dream about having my brain scanned & downloaded into a computer before I die, have said computer CPU installed in a bio – mechanical chassis, then roam the space between the stars looking for other non – carbon – based life forms that aren’t loaded down with such dysfunctional.

      Or I may just tank up on Heineken, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Colt 45, etc., until my liver & brain BOTH get cirrhosis after reading this story ! 😉 OY.


  2. Thomas Stazyk June 20, 2011 at 1:10 am #

    OMG, that one is hard to top. BTW I haven’t seen the term ‘blivet” in years–thanks for the reminder.


    • bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 1:41 am #

      Though I wrote it two weeks ago I guess it right that this appears right after Father’s Day. That was one of Dad’s favorite insults.


      • Thomas Stazyk June 20, 2011 at 1:45 am #

        I heard it used as a “euphemism” for ten pounds in a five pound bag. Is that the way your dad used it?


        • bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 3:03 am #

          That’s it. I tend to use it from time to time.


  3. Daniel June 20, 2011 at 5:38 am #

    WaitWaitWait a minnit – The Nat’l Geographic Channel covered this ? I wanted Comcast to carry the Geographic Channel, but now, I think I’m better off without it if they’re covering the ” people of Jerry ” or Steve Wilkos.
    If this guy gets his own reality show, I’m shooting my cable box ( then burying the evidence ) !!! 😀 😉


    • bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

      I missed the show and it hasn’t been repeated yet. Part of me wants to see it (like watching a car accident) the other part wants nothing to do with it.


      • Daniel June 20, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

        If I saw that, I’d be reaching for the eye – bleach, or maybe the home trepanation kit. If I looked for it on hulu, I’d have a bottle of the strongest malt liquor around to soften the impact.

        Oh, the humanity…..

        I seem to remember an indie movie in a video store ( Back in the dim, dark ages of just VHS ) called ” Mondo Cane ” which had all manner of abnormal behavior in it. This nut – job would fit right in, like a hand in a glove.


        • bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

          I understand the ratings were good….


          • Daniel June 20, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

            Only because the American / Westernized psyche is becoming warped like a wax statue near a space – heater. We settle for cow – flop when we could enjoy jade, rubies, myrrh & sandalwood. We’re going PAST mediocrity !


  4. JRD Skinner June 20, 2011 at 9:57 am #

    I think you’re right that the nurse/roommate is a nutter. She’s obviously enabling the ridiculous situation, someone ought to just buy her a cat, and he ought to be forced into some sort of community living home where they’ll mock the diapers right off that guy.

    I usually have a lot of patience for fringe groups, but adult babies are just weak minded hooligans looking to retreat into non-responsibility.


    • bmj2k June 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

      The problem with the term “fringe groups” is that it lumps in a whole lot of good (The Green Party could be called a fringe group) with a whole lot of bad like adult babies and gives the loons legitimacy. Simply because there are a lot of a particular thing getting together they don’t suddenly become respectable. NAMBLA is a fringe group and I have zero patience for them. Less than zero. People like this make it harder for those people who do have real issues and cannot function in regular society. I wouldn’t call what he has “a lifestyle” because that is just another term that legitimizes what he does. Was serial killing Ted Bundy’s “lifestyle”? (I know that’s extreme but it makes the point.) But no matter how I feel about the adult baby, he can live how he wants and if that woman wants to enable him that’s her right too.This guy is CLEARLY capable of supporting himself. If he chooses not to, I don’t need to subsidize him.


      • Daniel June 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

        Just like rampant alcoholism & crack / meth users. Is smoking crack or meth a ” lifestyle ” just because lots of people, homeless & otherwise, use it ? what about repeat offenders, people who like the safety of incarceration so much that they commit crimes just to get tossed back into the pen ? Tax payers pay for their gov’t checks, & for repeat offenders.
        Some of those prisons are like country clubs, BTW. I’ve seen pictures.


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