Tag Archives: turkeys

Thanksgiving Turkeys Terrorize Staten Island!

26 Nov

November 26, 2013

from November 11, 2010

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I am taking this article in its entirety from the NY Daily News, where usually the only turkeys it writes about are Mayor Bloomberg and the City Council. I can vouch for its truthfulness, as I have seen these turkeys myself and gotten out alive.

Turkeys terrorize residents as they roam neighborhood

One slice of Staten Island isn’t giving thanks for its turkey this holiday season because the wild fowl are rampaging across the neighborhood.

The menacing flock is ruffling feathers in Ocean Breeze by tying up traffic, covering yards with excrement – even trapping one terrified woman in her car.

“It was straight out of ‘Cujo,'” said dental assistant Gina Guaragno, 23. “I’m sitting in my car Facebooking on my phone when turkeys jumped on my windshield.

“I screamed like I was being murdered. They just kept looking at me like it was their car. I felt trapped. I was so scared.”

Ocean Breeze’s turkey terror began at least a decade ago, when a local resident liberated her nine pet birds at nearby South Beach Psychiatric Center.

The state Department of Environmental Conservation said there are roughly 100 turkeys in the neighborhood, though locals think it might be in the thousands.

Packs of turkeys strut slowly along the tree-lined residential streets near Cromwell Ave. and Mason St. in a daily display that’s hardly mouth-watering.

“It’s disgusting. It’s horrible,” said Sarah Pellei, 82, who first noticed the invasion a decade ago.

“People think turkeys are a big joke. But when you have thousands of these filthy animals surrounding my house and pooping all over everything, it becomes a living nightmare.”

Standing 2 to 4 feet high, the brown-feathered fiends meander between houses and linger for hours outside some homes.

“The turkeys are terrible, terrible,” said Sarina Sanfelice, 82, who keeps a garden hose by her front door to drive them away.

“They come in droves by the hundreds and eat the figs off my fig tree and poop all over everything. I complain and complain, but no one will help us.”

The hose is the best weapon available because city law protects wild turkeys from hunters.

Nothing protects humans from turkeys, though. At Staten Island University Hospital, patients and staff routinely dodge the birds gathered outside the doors.

Some seniors are too terrified to leave their homes, City Councilman James Oddo said.

DEC spokesman Tom Panzone said the agency is surveying residents to determine what steps are needed. Options include capturing or “harvesting” – killing the turkeys and donating the food to the needy, he said.

Oddo hatched a plan two years ago to move the turkeys to an upstate farm, but conservation officials balked because they thought the weather would be too cold

“How are people supposed to have faith that their government can deal with problems like terrorism when we can’t even deal with turkeys?” Oddo asked.

Some residents have specific ideas on handling the problem.

“I have the perfect spot for these turkeys,” said Allan Barnhardt, 52. “Right between my mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.”

Click here for the video:  Turkey Terror

2013 UPDATE: The turkeys are still there.

A Thanksgiving Public Service Announcement from Allan Keyes

25 Nov

November 25, 2013

from November 19, 2012

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keyes1.jpgYeah, turkey is kind of bland and dry, and unless it’s accompanied by a large side order of football, kind of boring.  And yeah, EVERYTHING deep-fried is delicious. So it follows logically many will try to deep fry their turkeys this Thanksgiving.  Why is this a potentially bad idea? I’ll let Fireman Freddy (NOT his real name!) explain to you:

So if you must have your turkey in deep-fried goodness, please do it responsibly! We want all of our readers to be back here next week complaining about how their creepy uncle got drunk and inappropriate  and the bratty kids ate all the cranberry sauce that you were planning on throwing onto your gigantic “thanksgiving on a bun” sandwich that you always have for breakfast the day after while everyone else is in a deep food coma, and how the freakin’ Lions didn’t cover the spread AGAIN….I mean all they had to do was kick the field goal instead of trying for that touchdown! WHY MATTHEW STAFFORD? WHY?!!!!!!!!!!! I LOST ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT MONEY ON THAT GAME OH NO……..NOW I HAVE TO SELL MY BLOOD FOR PRESENTS AGAIN…..*deep breath*

Now lest you think me sentimental, let us all laugh in horror at some deep-fried turkeys gone very, very wrong. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Special bonus at the bottom of this post!

SPECIAL THANKSGIVING DAY PRE-REQUISITE BONUS!!!!!

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