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Tag Archives: tin foil hat

Lying Awake With An Online Date (John Newly #12)

2 Aug

August 2, 2016

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Lying Awake with John Newly. Lying Awake airs seven nights a week from midnight to 5 am. From ghosts to aliens to plots to overthrow the government, we’ve got it covered. Now here’s your host, John Newly.

JOHN NEWLY: Thank you very much and yes indeedy-do, this is Lying Awake and also yes indeedy-do, I’m John Newly. A little later on we’ll be speaking with Edgar Collins about his book “Can You Hear Me God? It’s Me, The Yeti.” We’ll also be taking calls on our special astral plane hotline. If you’re listening to us from beyond time and space, that’s the number for you to call. Gosh, I’m really looking forward to that.

But first, I’d like to tell you about some of the special things we’ve got going on here at Lying Awake. I’m very excited and I think you will be too. I know that it’s hard to get a date, especially if you tell people that you listen to this show. Well I’ve got just the thing for you.

tin hat

It’s called Paranormal-ish Date, and it’s for people like you, who want to meet people like you, but can’t seem to meet people like you. It’s a dating site like no other, tailored just for Lying Awake listeners.

Let me introduce you one of our singles. She’s a sexy single spellcaster who describes herself as a wacky Wiccan. She likes bats, beetles, and Beelzebub and she’s looking for you!

Or maybe the paranormal isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re into the dark side of politics, the machinations behind the scenes. Then you want to sign up for Conspiracy Theory Hook Up. No names, no descriptions, not even a picture. We promise to give out zero information about you or your date. Just show up someplace and wait. If you want to be anonymous and meet other anonymous conspiracy theorists in an undisclosed location, log in right now. It’s 100% safe, somehow. We think.

And finally, this one really has me excited, I’m pleased to offer to you Cthulhu Date. That’s right, Cthulhu Date. Whether you are a disciple of Nylarthotep or worship Dagon or Tsathoggua, you’ll find your date, mate, or fate right here. Word has it there’s a big singles mixer at R’lyeh at the next full moon.

Subscribe to any of these services and I’ll give you a free bonus- a copy of my new book, Confessions of a Terrible Radio Host.

Too bad my wife won’t let me date. I’m really interested in meeting some new people. This reminds me of a time I was in Denver. I met a listener at a UFO convention. She was just about 18 years old and- what? Sorry everyone, that’s Fast Eddie, my producer.

[Inaudible, off mic]

OK, maybe you’re right. I’ll save that one for off air. Don’t let me forget, she let me take pictures and everything.

We’ll be right back with your calls, after this message from a company selling shady pseudo-medical pills that I own 35% of.

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(If you think this sounds ridiculous, and it does, you should know that Coast To Coast AM with George Noory really does have Paranormal and Conspiracy dating sites. I can’t make this up. I let Mr. Snoory do it for me.)

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Lying Awake with John Newly

24 Jul

July 24, 2014

Good morning everyone, it’s 3:05 in the am and you’re listening to Lying Awake with John Newly on 463 AM WKAT The Kat. I’m John Newly and coming up this hour, I’ll be talking to Dr. Roger Steadman about his new book, The Undersea Reptoid Kingdom, all about the intelligent inhabitants of the world’s hidden ocean cities, this ought to be good. But first I’ll be taking your phone calls at 1-800-467-WKAT right after these messages.

Commercial airs for a conspiracy theory DVD- Did Kennedy Kill the Dinosaurs?

Promo airs for WKAT morning show, Wake Up With Julia.

And we’re back! I’m John Newly and Mickey from Atlanta Georgia, you’re up first on Lying Awake.

-Hello?

Hello Mickey, what’s on your mind?

-Um yeah, I want to talk to John Newly?

I’m John, go ahead.

-Oh, uh, wow, yeah, hi. My name is Mickey and I’m calling from Atlanta, in the South.

What do you want to talk about Mickey?

-Uh, I’m kind of nervous, (nervous laughter). I’ve never been on the radio before.

That’s OK Mickey, but you’re running out of time.

-Oh, sorry, well, last week, me and my friend Neil and me, we saw a UFO over my house. It was like, really big.

What did it look like?

-It was really big and had lights on it, and we both watched it and I said to Neil that maybe he should call his sister, she’s a cop, but Neil said that he didn’t have his phone. I didn’t have mine either I left it inside by the pizza or I would have gotten pictures.

Wow, so how long did you watch this UFO? What did it do?

-We watched it for awhile, then it just flew over the house and I didn’t see where it was going because it was behind the house.

That’s amazing. Thanks Mickey. Let’s go to our next caller, Dan, on our international line. Dan, where are you calling from?

-I’m calling from an island, that’s all I want to say, I don’t like to reveal too much.

Fair enough Dan. These days you can’t be too careful.

-Yeah, this guest you have on later, about the reptoids? Make sure you ask him if Obama is a reptoid, he’s kinda got those reptoid features, you know?

I’ve heard those rumors too Dan. That sure would be something. It’s 3:16 in the am on 463 AM WKAT The Kat and we’ll be back with more of your calls after this.

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